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Health Forum    Mental Health
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 Will you please pray for me?
I suffer from depression, insecurity and feelings of inferiority. I have few friends and even my marriage is unfulfilling. I pray also, but could you too? Thanks.
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 Is it normal for a 14 year old to have imaginary friends?
I do, but I think it's a little weird. I'm too afraid to tell anyone, I've only told my best friend and she was ok with it, but I never told anyone else. Is it normal?
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 Ok people i need some opinions....?
My wife went out to pay some bills and go shopping with my sister in law today. they went to the mall.... well after shopping for a bit my wife grabbed her purse and went to the restroom. the only ...


 I suffer from depression.The doctor says I am eventually going to kill myself.WHAT CAN I DO?

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This is what the doctor said. Iwas surprised when I HEARD IT....


 Have you ever feel like you're screaming inside but no one can hear you?
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 I can't cope...i just can't do this...please help me!?
please give me something to hope for! i'm really struggling to see anything worth living for at the moment, i'm not coping with anything. i can't cope with this i just can't cope. ...


 Why am I always wrong?
Everything I do is wrong.. No matter that it is I did it wrong. I try to get things right and bam! its friggin wrong. Why does it always have to be wrong? I try my hardest. I feel like a let down all ...


 How do you learn to like yourself?
When you feel so unlikeable and unloveable.
Thanx....


 How to heal the feeling of hatred and wanting to kill a person?
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 Is it normal to have voices in my head telling me to burn things?
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 Nasty question but?
interesting to know how you would do it.

If you where that p****d off with life, to the point of committing suicide, how would you go out of this world?

Dont worry, im not p****...


 What are you scared off ?
Think im scared of the dark....


 I really hate my life right now.
This past year my three best friends betrayed me. My dog whom I grew up with died. My parents always fight and said that the might be getting a divorce. I cut myself because the emotional pain is too ...


 I need some advice and I need the truth?
I need to know what will happen if I tell the doctor I am having suicidal thoughts? Can confidentiality be breached? I need to know exactly what will happen because I need some help and I know that, ...


 Why do men act sooo stupid sometimes?
cuz every man or boy i've met has acted so stupid is it me?
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thx 2 the people who said it wasn't ...


 Should i believe what the voices in my head are telling me?
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 Do you think it's possible to smoke cannibis regularly and lead a normal family life?
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 Convince me to stop dying my hair!?
I'm not joking when I say I have an addiction to hair dye and it co-insides with my obsessive compulsive disorder. i dyed it back to my natural color three weeks ago and i'm already ...


 What are you feeling right now?
happy.sad.annoied......


 Do you like yourself??
I personally, hate myself. every aspect of me i hate. how about YOU??...



vampire_o3
How to cope with girlfriends death?
I lost my girlfriend after she took her life a month after being hit by a car and she lost her one leg. She was in Toronto visiting family when it happened in 2005 and i wasnt there.

Ever since i get thinking 'Well what if i had been there' etc and i start blaming myself and i go into wild moods where the slightest thing can set me off and i go berserk, normally i calm down then im ok 2 days later. 99% the time im ok, i get very emotional when i think about her but its when i start to think that its all my fault, thats when i lose it and it scares me to think that i could hurt someone or myslef if i dont get to deal with the loss of her. We had so many plans, get married, have kids etc and i had all that taken away from me.

What can i do to learn how to cope with this loss.

Decent honest answers please.

Thanks
                     




richardwales79
I am deeply sadened to hear of your loss and my heartfelt sympathies go out to you. I know it sounds easy to say at the moment but time is a healer & although you will never actually get over the loss you will be able to cope. Speak to family & friends and you will be able to get plenty of support. Good luck to you & hope everything works for you. Take care!


ZYGGY
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My husband was killed by a drink driver in 2001. It's a horrible, horrible place to be when you lose somebody so close to you. Although the situation is slightly different what we are left to cope with is very similar. Like you, I had lots of questions in my mind as to if this or that had been different, would the outcome have been the same. I note that your girlfiend died in 2005, I 'coped' for over 2 years before the whole situation finally and truly hit, and I was offered the chance to see a counsellor. Please do try to do this, you will be talking to a stranger who won't judge you. They will understand any anger you feel, and will try to help you understand where it is all coming from, and ways to deal with it.

If it helps at all, I really thought that my life was over - as you have said all the plans you have for the future are taken away - I was 19 weeks pregnant, when he died, and I really believe that part of me died too, What I have to come realise is that yes, my old life died, but I now have a new life.

Unfortunately the experience will be with you for the rest of your life, but please get help - go to see your doctor, and remember although you have lost her and have to cope with all the pain that goes with it, you both had a loving, caring partner. I look back now and think that it was worth going through all the pain and having our time together, than to have never known him at all.

I really do wish you all the best.


Honey
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Very sorry to hear this. The saddest thing that could possibly happen, yet it does happen. Please dont blame yourself, there is no way it was your fault. Please talk to your doctor i am sure he can refer you to a specialist who can help you talk through what you are going through. it really helps to ease the pressure. Try not to blame yourself and try to think of the happy moments you had with her and how much happiness you gave her.


ashenwolfe
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I would seriously consider trying to set up an appointment with a counselor or therapist to work some things out. I don't know how old you are, or what your job is like, but some insurance plans, and some companies also offer mental health services as part of your insurance package. Sometimes just talking to someone who has an outside view of the situation, and will make no judgements can help. If you don't have insurance, you can go to your doctor or local hospital and ask for help there, sometimes they have programs also, or can refer you to someone who can help you. You can also talk to family and friends, I'm sure they will be more than willing to help you. If none of these things work, you might could try the suicide hotline, they should definately be able to connect you with someone to help.

You might also try joining a formum/messageboard, or starting one, for people going through the same thing. Sometimes talking to people who've experienced similar experiences can help tremendously, and think... you might be able to help someone, too.

Just give it a try. Don't give up. Don't listen to anyone's judgements of you OR her. Honor her memory by getting help for yourself, and helping others. She'll be proud of you, and I am too. This is the first step in reaching out, and I wish you all the best.

Rachael


Nickynackynoo
How awful to have gone through such an ordeal. The first thing you have to realise is that there is nothing you could have done to prevent this, it is in not your fault.

You must talk this through with someone, go and see your doctor and ask to be referred to a bereavement counsellor. I know that it seems you will never get over this pain, but talking about your feelings will help the process.

It will take time, but you must seek help and as soon as possible, you can't deal with this alone.

Good luck, my thoughts are with you.


Peter R
Stop beating yourself up about this!

You were not there!, So why are you taking the blame for something that was beyond your control?

I think you should seek some help, and you definitely need counselling!

Do something constructive with your life, and don't sit around brooding, channel this destructive energy into something good, that will help your fellow beings, you'll be amazed how many people are concerned, and will try all they can to help you!


ANgEL
Sooo sorry i can just imagine how u must feel when u lv someone so much, and has taken u 2 years 2 still feel very emotional 4 her, ur not going 2 like it but i say that, maybe you could try counseling or going to your doctor u need some help 2 come 2 terms with ur girlfriends death, 2 move on and find some happiness, good luck.


nosy old lady
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I am truly sorry for your loss it's very hard to come to terms with an ordinary death, but as in your case it's really tragic. It wasn't your fault so try not to blame yourself. Please try to get some therapy to help you get over this, I don't know if youve heard of it but there's an organiseation named "CRUISE" who specialise in bereavement and i've heard they are very good. I wish you God's blessing and hope you can overcome it. I'll remember you in my prayers and your girlfriend too.


♫мёģąŋ♫
I am so sorry about that, terrible. You have to do what is best for you now. Your G/F decided to take her life, she must have been in pain, Do you really think that your girlfriend really wants to see you in pain or suffering? She would want what is best for you, look forward not behind. You will be hurting for a while and you will never forget the pain that is inside of you. But your girlfriend would want you to move on and not think about the past. I am not saying forget what has happened because you will never be able to forget. If you really need help i would try talking to someone that you are close to (family or friends), You have to think about all the good time and all the happy memories that you 2 had together. I will never been easy, if you talk to someone about it and get some advise the pain will fade even though your memories won't. Hope everything goes ok and i hope you will get help.x Megan x


little miss naughty
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Very sorry to hear that, please try cruse grief counselling


boz
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The only people responsible for her death, are the car driver who hit her, and herself. Dont punish yourself, as no matter what you say or do, if someone really wants to commit suicide, they will, and there would be nothing you could do to stop them.
Its veery sad, and i feel for you, but see a councillor in terms of moving on with your life, and resolving the blame that is nagging in the back of your mind.
You will never forget her, nor forgive her, and this combination is eating you up inside.
Seek help. There are lots of places that can help with loss, starting with seeing your family doctor, and take it from there.


clarysa
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Hey, i don't think you will get over this, you have gone through so much but you can move forward. I have gone through something similar losing my grandparents, i know it is different but i did spend alot of the time thinking about would it be any different if i had been home with them etc etc, it was and still is a very difficult time, knowing that i cannot share future times with them. But i do have amazing memories of them both and a day never goes by when i don't think about them. Your girlfriend wouldn't like you to be like this, she'd have wanted you to move on, and although it'll take time, although you may not have her presence to heal you through this time, her spirit will always be with you. Hope this helps, x


sharrma1
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ah sweetie.... my heart really bleeds for you.... a few years ago i was dating a guy and was in love etc.... we had a fight and he took his life the next day. i spent a long time blaming myself and asking what if.... but a few years and many tears later, i have learned that you can not hold your self responsible for the actions of another human being.
if your girl friend taking her life was her choice and if she was capable of doing that, then she would have done it regardless of what you did or said....
i know you are hurting but you have to realize that this is NOT YOUR FAULT SWEETIE.....

my prayers are with you....
i hope you find happiness.

be strong
xxxxxx


Annie M
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Tough as it may seem you have to move forward, you are living and cannot live in the past. You will never fully cope with your loss, but as each day passes you will be able to deal with it and come to terms with it. Getting married and having kids has not been taken away from you, you can move on and one day you will find someone. Your girlfriend would not want you to live a sad life.


Dogsbody
I think you know deep down that this cannot possibly have been your fault, but that doesn't stop you feeling this way, I know.
You must try and seek some help, maybe bereavement counselling. If it doesn't work for you, try another one, they're not all the same, they take different approaches to the situation.
I really feel for you, this must be awful, and I know it's a cliche, but time will make it feel better. A lot of time maybe, but it won't always hurt this much. Think about how she would want you to deal with this.


Sabretooth
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I cannot bring her back or help you to cope with the loss.

However, I do not think that there was much that could be done to prevent her death.
Judging the fact that it was only a month after her accident, it would show that she was very determined to die.
You may have been able to prevent her that time, but next time you wouldn't have been there to do so, or maybe nmext time.
One way or the other she would end up dead.

She would have made sure that when she killed her self that you weren't there to stop her.

Thus proving you have no responsibility over her death.


mammon
I am very sorry for your loss. depending on how much you loved her it can take many years to get over a death. The thing is the pain goes away eventually, after you forgive yourself. I would suggest you surround yourself with your family and friends for a few months, and listen to loud music, anything that distracts you. It just takes time.


wavey
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My friend,grief is the most powerful of human emotions.And that,I think,is why you are blaming yourself.I've had more death in 2 years than in the rest of my 40 years all put together and I know.It hurts like hell.But PLEASE don't blame yourself.It will do no good.Would your girlfriend want to see you this way.NO.Most definatley NO.
Perhaps you need a bereavement councillor to help you thru,as death plays really bad tricks with your mind.It won't take your pain away,but may help you see things from a different perspective.
Good luck to you my friend.


Emmsagogo*
There are no short cuts when it comes to grieving. What you are feeling is the Anger part of grieving. I found that talking to someone else who had gone through a similar tragedy, helped tremendously, it was no good to just to talk to anyone it seemed.

I had to go on tablets to help bridge a difficult few years,, however this doesn't help with dealing with the root of the problem, but i do believe that they helped me to function normally and gave me hope, even saved my life.

Unfortunately it may mean talking to your doctor which may mean multiple visits,, however it will be worth it!, what ever you do don't struggle on alone. I also searched the internet for a group/person that i could e-mail/talk to. And i did find someone...She let me put all my feelings down in my letters to her and she did with me. I don't know what i would have done without her. I haven't even met her. She had lost someone also.

Prepare yourself for the worst. Don't do anything stressful or deal with situations that might make you anxious, give yourself
a break from tuff stuff, (which might actually be easy stuff)...and keep away from the friends that might make you feel worse. Drinking is no answer but if it helps, do let people know your intentions and don't go walk about. Keep your family informed.

My husband also lost his best friend, he committed suicide. His wife managed to keep things together, and within a couple of years had found a husband and now has children and has at last found some-kind of happiness again. Unbelievable isn't it... but she deserves it. It doesn't mean you forget or shun them,,, but your girlfriend wouldn't want you to stay single forever... perhaps a long way off yet. Try to keep an open mind. Don't close yourself off from the world.

Do find that someone you can talk to, doctors are trained and often know them selves about deep loss. Depression is probably in there somewhere, which doesn't help, and with that, comes isolation, and the feeling of hopelessness, it feels like you are living in hell. And yet i still went around smiling. You will cope with this, we are stronger than we feel.

You will be happy or near to, once again. I am.

All the best my friend


Venusza
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Hi, Firstly I am so sorry for your loss. My mother took her own life 6 years ago this coming Sunday. Like you I was not there but this was due to my stepfather. I also get into the state of blaming myself getting angry and wanting to do all sorts of things and that's after all this time. There is no easy answer here apart from the old saying that time does ease the pain but we aren't talking a few days/months etc but it does ease slightly. For a lot of people consoling works, this was not for me as talking to a stranger is not my thing. What I tend to do is if I am feeling very low/angry I go to visit mum at the cematory or just tend to the plant in my garden that I bought in her memory. I will chat away to her as if she were still here. I still cry and miss her very much but just hope she is somewhere nice with nice people.

I do hope your pain eases and that you realise that this was not your fault, going down the if and but road is so easy to get caught up in but don't blame yourself. Remember you must find happiness yourself and continue with life even though it gets hard sometimes. If you have a close friend or family memeber talk to them about how you feel don't bottle things up.

I wish you well
x


ME569
You could find something that you enjoy doing and just remember her the way she was and remember that she is in a better place and does not have to suffer anymore


Barry Von Leotard III
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You seem to be coping very well with an impossible situation. You should be proud of yourself and the way you are dealing with this. Only time can help.

Good luck :)


Mal S
have you talked to your doctor?or it might be better if you talk to your family if you can or counsellors maybe.good luck mate
x


lolly
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Honey so sorry for your loss. It will take time to get over this, and might be worth seeing a councillor to help you.
There is nothing anyone can say or do to help, but things will get better. Just live each day as it comes.

Good look for the future x


DMsView
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I am afraid to say that the old adage is time is the best healer is the only answer I can give.

My then g/f was killed in a car crash when her car was hit by a drunk driver. I was only 17 and we'd just had a big fight about why I wasn't there that weekend.

Guilt will play a big part in your emotions and "what if" will be a question you can spend a long time trying to answer and for that, I wish you luck.

The fact is a million people will tell you it's not your fault because it isn't. Only as time goes on will you realise that it actually wasn't, that it was HER decision to take her own life and she would have done it even if you were there.

As for the moods, I can only suggest that you confide in a good friend. I'm sure they're all sympathetic towards you and won't mind if you call them up for a chat once in a while.

And you'll move on. I've since met a wonderful girl who I came to realise isn't better than my old girlfriend and isn't worse. She's just different.


dougie
There is absolutely nothing that you can do about the past. I think that you should Cherish the fond moments that you had with her, learn from the mistakes that you made with her, and move on with your life. If she really loved you, she would want you to be happy and live as full of a life as possible. Oh, and by the way. You weren't there to stop what happened, so there was nothing that you can do. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, IT JUST HAPPENED. Don't blame your self. It wasn't your fault. You had absolutely no idea that she was going to get hit by a car, just like you had no idea that she was thinking about killing herself, according to the information that you left. It is time to move on and stop blaming yourself for something that you couldn't help or prevent. It also sounds as though there are some anger issues. Perhaps you are angry with her for leaving you in death and because she isn't here, you are looking for some other channel to take it out on. It wasn't other people's fault either. You should seek counseling to talk about this and your anger and sudden outbursts. I will pray for the healing of your heart. Good luck.


It's Kippah, Kippah the dawg
Rating
Time. I lost my gf at age 18. I had returned home on military leave and she stayed in Florida to finish her school Her and 3 other friends were killed in a head-on collision the weekend after graduating school.

Time is what it takes. You'll run the course of emotions for a few years, and then pick up the pieces and continue on.


It's Me
Rating
That's really tough and I'm sorry that happened. However, you cannot take responsibility for someone else's actions. She made her decision and that decision was her's and her's only. You can't beat yourself up over for the rest of your life, or you'll start taking responsibility for other things that aren't your fault and you'll be miserable.


Nightingale
My heart goes out to you.
It's good that you say 99% of the time you're ok.
You must not think that it was your fault, you were not there. Even if you had been there, you probably couldn't have changed anything.

To be honest with you, do you feel guilt over something tangible? If so, it's time to really deal with that guilt and move on. If you have no solid reason to feel guilt, then don't beat yourself up over it.

Suicide of a loved one is an awful thing for anyone for anyone to come to terms with. Those that are 'left behind' feel guilt, and surround themselves with the 'ifs, ands and buts', 'could've, should've stopped it'.
Firstly your girlfriend had a horrific accident and lost her leg. Maybe depression over all of this made her feel the only way out was to take her own life. Maybe she felt it would be better for others. Only those around here at the time may know how she was feeling, but quite often those who do take their own lives can appear to be ok and keep their inner thoughts and feelings to themselves.
It all must have been a terrible shock for you.

You should be able to find Bereavement Councilling in your area. Please seek this out and work through your grieving.
You say you go into 'wild moods' and 'go berserk'. I don't know exactly what you mean by this. Do you hit out at those around you? Have you friends/family who give you understanding?

You will get through this. Believe in yourself. It may take a while. When you think of your girlfriend, try to remember happy times. It is a good thing to cry and let out emotion. Don't bottle things up.

You cannot change the past. That may seem harsh, but it's true. You must begin to look forward to the future, and trust that things will get better.

I hope this will be of some help to you and wish you well.


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