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Health Forum    Mental Health
Health Discussion Forum

 Why is cutting yoursef bad?
i dont understand why people freak out if you cut yourself, yea i know it means youre hurting inside, bla bla bla but everyone hurts sometimes and everyone else deals with it differently no one else ...


 What depresses you just at the thought of it?
I get really depressed when my get bloated and when I'm broke....


 If I die, will anyone care? (seriously)?
I have nothing to live for, and I give up......


 Suicide???
I'm on the edge of doing it.
My family hates me. My parents are acholics.
I think my dads abusive. I tried to help my mom, and get her to move, didn't work.
And everyone ...


 Please help me. Im feeling suicidal?
My ex said he doesnt love me about 4 months ago. im lonely and wish someone would love me. I cry sore at night with so much pain in my heart. I dont wana live anymore
Additional Details
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 Am i a freak; Not on looks or anything?
Am i a freak because i choose not to wear make up ?

If i wanted to i would and could, but i just choose not to because i think i look better naturally.

Its just the school im ...


 My Rice Crispies are telling me to kill , should I listen ?
...


 Can I have a hug?
I'm scared and confused please can I have a hug?...


 What's a good stress reliever?
...


 Suicide should i just do it?
i tryed it befor and im am seeing a counserler and i try my beast to stay happy but then i get deppersed again and i mean realy deppersed school is realy hard for me and so was life at home my dad ...


 What is the best way to relax/get rid of stress?
i have been up tight lately. ive tried burning incense. but what else?...


 Is crying a sign of weakness when im a guy?
...


 I'm Contemplating Suicide?
I've been on medication and have been going to therapy for quite a while none of it seems to work, so i'm going to ask what you people think i should do. I can't take it anymore
A...


 How can I stop cutting myself ?
I started cutting again the other night. I have everything I want except one thing: Jake .. how can I get him and stop cutting?...


 I've been feeling?
I've been feeling depressed and like crying for no reason i'm a virgin, and i'm 14 what's wrong with me?
Additional Details
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 Am I weird?
i LIKE pickles. Is this strange?...


 What's your reason for not ending it all???????????????????
Mine is that i have some foolish hope that life will get better. and i'm scared that the christians might be right and if i end my life, ill spend eternal damnation in hell. Whats yours???????...


 Marijuana?
i have some friends that do marijuana and they want me to do it. is it a bad thing to do? should it be legalized? should i do it?...


 You're in Wal-Mart, buying coffee and poptarts for the morning and you see somebody slip and fall, Do You....?
-Turn and laugh?
-Help them up?
-Walk right over them and pretend you didnt see it?
-Take a picture with your camera phone and send it to all your friends?...


 Are you depressed?
Clinically, maniacly or just plain depressed?
Why?
What makes you feel depressed?
Additional Details
in response to all ...



I Have Answers
How long should you mourn before you carry on with your every day routine?
I'll try and keep this short :)

A very good friend of mine was only 27 and killed by a drink driver two weeks ago.

After this I started over eating, stopped going to the gym (I use to go 3 hours a day), stopped going out, stopped volunteering, stopped dating, stopped seeing my friends, stopped spending an hour getting dressed in the morning haha.

I'm not super religious, and if I continued with my normal routine I wouldn't hurt anyones feelings, his family and our mutual friends wouldn't even see me while I'm at these different venues.

I'm not even crying about it as much now. My question is everyone else from his sister to his mom seem to be doing fine and have already moved on like nothing has happened. I feel odd enjoying my life when he had to die so untimely and can't be here to enjoy life.

How do I get rid of the guilt? Or can anyone give me some words of wisdom besides " he would want you to go on" haha :)

Thanks
~Still Wearing Black
                     




megyar
Rating
Your friend would have wanted you to make the most of everyday - your friend would not want you to be depressed -they would want you to celebrate their life and what they meant to you -don't be sad, your friend would want you to live beautifully again! Make a picture, drawing or painting of how you best remeber your friend and then he will watch over you and help you work out some stress through art and expression. Write about your friend and what he meant to you, write a song about his short life and how it wasn't fair. You need a creative outlet to honor your friend. Be well. You are lucky to be able to experience anything you want so do it.


LIPPIE
Rating
If you didn't have anything to do with his death, then you should not feel quilt, to the point that you are doing what you are doing. If it continues, you might want to go get some grief counseling. You need to stop dwelling on the loss, and remember all the good. A person will stay alive through remembering him. It helps to talk about him and what you liked, and it is okay to talk about his bad habits, because that's who he was. The more you talk, the more you heal. If people get tired of hearing you, then take out a paper and pencil and write, until you have worked your way through this ordeal.


DUDE Y
Rating
until you feel closure. you have to let it go...never forget but you cannot let it ruin your life...would your friend want you in misery? no. remember your friend, honor them in the best way you can...but you have a life ahead of you and your friend would want you to carry on


cinda2503
You can mourn for someone for as long as you want. There is no set time limit. My father died 6 years ago and I still mourn for him a couple of times a week. When you have loved and lost a small piece of you dies with that person. However, you can not continue to live your life in a constant state of mourning and depression. To do so would be to dishonor your own life. You are here on earth to LIVE. So live. The person whom has passed lived their life. When it is your time to pass on you want to pass on without many regrets. Not mourning the person who has pass is in no way disrespectful nor does it mean that you don't love them, miss them, and still care for them. Take the opportunity to honor life (theirs and yours) by thriving while here on earth.


Tiffany F
Rating
i am so very sorry about your loss dear.

hmm. i think you are doing the perfectly normal thing after a death of a loved one. you got to take things day by day. slowly start going back to the gym, etc. when you feel comfortable.

you do not have to put a time limit on this healing process. his family is still probably as tore up as you are, maybe they are showing it in different ways. do what feels the best for you, if you are still sad, be sad. know that things will get better though. i know it may seem impossible right now, it always does. and even though you do not want to hear it, he would want you to happy and not lose your life just because he lost his.

good luck with everything, i truly hope that everything becomes easier with time =]


the Punisher
Rating
I can only say each individual is different.

My Father passed less than a year ago, and I think of him daily. Though his was a grateful release of the burden of illness.

When I was divorced, I wore black for 2 years.
everyone is different, and everyone mourns a loss in an individual way, you will have to be the one to decide what you are comfortable with.

Best wishes.


NONAME
Rating
honey,
it's not black and white, it's shades of grey.
You need to get back in the gym or you're going to be really sorry-
You'll have moments of getting on with things, then moments of feeling sad and missing him, thats the grieving process.


Ray
Rating
It's not the amount of time that matters... it's the way you deal with it after that certain amount of time where you just do nothing, mostly. My teacher's sister just died a few days ago, and she's only taking one week off, while also still checking our homework and stuff.. I know it's really hard .. but his family has definitely not gotten over this.. They say it takes a minute to find someone, an hour to get to know 'em, a day to love 'em, but your whole life to forget 'em. They're probably just trying to think of other things.. and sometimes when something like that happens, tears are replaced by silence.. and internal grief that deteriorates their heart while they seem fine on the outside. Just try to get back on track after maybe a week or so. If not, it's okay. Take your time. You'll eventually get over it, though you'll probably never forget it. Remember to have fun at the end of all this=]


epat87
Rating
I'm so sorry for your loss. When my best friend passed away, I went into such a deep funk that I thought I'd never come out of it. I got extremely drunk one evening and another good friend gave me the wake up call of my life. I was having a crying jag (drunk talk for pity party) and slobbering all over the place. He took me aside and said quite bluntly "For Christ's sake he died... not you!!!" "Get over it!!" I was so mad I couldn't even talk. But it was just what I needed to hear. After all the good times we had together, I couldn't let go....so I thought. Then it finally hit me that I was mad at him for dying and leaving me to hurt all alone. I found a way to vent the anger by turning to the cause of his demise and helping fight for a cure. It took a while but I came to my senses. This might not work for you--but it worked for me. Once again--I'm so sorry for your loss. GOOD LUCK!!!!


Jon
Rating
You can go on for as long as you feel you want to be depressed or remember him. Truth is everyone is different. When you are ready or something wants to take you away with yur life then it is time to stop morning.


midnitrondavu
There is nothing you can do about what happened and it's over. Don't feel guilty. Just remember the good times and keep the memories in your heart. She wouldn't want you to be sad. She would want you to rejoice in just being alive. Be a testament to the happiness you two shared while you were together.


adam/penny
Rating
society would say it's time to get back to your life. don't forget your friend, but you can't let this horrendous accident rule you for the rest of your life. you're not guilty of anything. your destroying your life and those around you who can and will help you if you let them. I'm sure your friends are saddened by your grieving.
it's time to go on. even in marriage one of the most remembered quotes is "til death do us part" I'm sure your friend would want you to go on.
sorry for your loss.


flazatty
My condolences and sympathies on the loss of your friend. As this occurred only two weeks ago, it is obviously still a shock, and grieving and mourning for a reasonable period of time is normal.

At some point, however, we all have to move on. The past cannot be changed. All we have is the future. Stay active in your regular routines and circle of friends. If it gets too bad, see your doctor for a referral to a counselor or a grief support group.

All the best.


Deb W
Rating
I sincerely doubt that the boy's mom & sister are "doing fine" after the loss of their son/brother. They have to put a good face on things to keep going, but it will be a very long time - if ever - they are o.k.

My sister was killed in a car accident at 16, which devastated our family. We had to keep functioning, life has to go on but there was never a time when we were fine. She is still missed, 40 years later. My brother passed away from cancer 5 years ago, and we had to get through that, too.

Survivor's guilt is very natural (I sure have had it), but your friend is not helped by your feeling that way. The best thing you can do for him is to get on with your life and keep good memories of him with you.


brewctred
Rating
There is no "quota" on when you should mourn, or for how long. Everyone mourns their losses in different ways. If you are taking things a little "harder" than those around you or close to him, then that is just what you are doing...you don't need to explain or justify it.

I lost my father in February. He'd been ill with Alzheimers for about 5 years, and we were told that there would be complications that could lead to his death...at any time. He'd had a series of strokes in a few days time, and passed on 3 days after I admitted him to hospice. Even though I "knew"....I didn't know. His passing was very difficult for me, and I can sit here and tell you that I handled everything after his passing like a champ....chin up, smiling, etc. I came home from work one day about two months ago and broke the EFF down. I'd had a difficult day that day...but that bad day just happened to coincide with the day I was REALLY missing my father. I HAD to stay strong and keep my head up before that (a bazillion family issues...too many to go into.....someone had to be the "rock"), but that day right there was when I was able to let it out, let go....feel sad, feel weak, feel lost.....I'd been holding on to what I was REALLY feeling for a long time....but I was finally able to let it all go, on my terms, and when I was ready.

It's ok for you to feel the way that you do, and you should by no means feel guilty that you have feelings that you don't think other people have. You don't know what they go through....they may be crying in private....but they are mourning in their way.

I can tell you that your friend is somewhere smiling on you right now because you are missing them. He probably does want you to get over it and go on....he's in a better place, and he'll always be remembered. But, you have to take your time in getting to the point where you feel comfortable in how you mourn and not feeling guilty about how you do it.

Just remember him and live his legacy....I don't know that you can do, or should be expected to do, more than that.

I hope that helps. I'm very sorry for your loss....


Dinah
Rating
Turn the ringer off on the phone, go into a room alone, light a candle, turn off the lights, sit down and let whatever happens happen. Think of him. Send your goodbyes toward him. Send whatever you feel toward him. Let it all come naturally. Let the candle be the light he was. However long it takes, let it happen. Know above all that grief is real and whole and no two people experience it the same. When you feel you've said your goodbyes, take the candle and open the door. You'll feel better.


beez
Rating
It is important to take care of yourself through this process, especially returning to the gym. You can still grieve and return to your life gradually. We don't know why you feel guilty, so can't address that issue.


Christina
This is a tough situation. I'm very sorry for your loss. I can understand where you're comming from but sooner or later you will find a way of going back to life almost the way that it was. For right now just try to make it through each day but don't hurt youself in the process.


Silly World
Rating
People who haven't been there expect more, because they haven't been there
In the back of our minds we all know we are all going someday, by surprise or after an illness

Do what feels right for you, it's not a contest


Jan
Every one handles grief differently, and no one knows what they are going though when they are alone. Sorry about your lost , and just take one at a time


womanofghostbear
Rating
firs let me say im sorry for your loss. griefs timeline is different for eveyone. not everyone goes through the stages in the same order. and some people skip stages all together. you seem to be stuck in guilt. dont worry you are normal. it sounds corny but what really helps is writting a letter. it is a good way to say what didnt get said, appologize for anything you did and grant his .forgiveness if they did something. you can bury, burn or tie it to balloons and set it free. what ever helps. it is more likly his family is in denial then it is that they moved on.what ever stage of grief you happen to be in. embrace it. dont push it away. it speeds up the healing process.


CH3RY1
Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things anyone can go through. You constantly think "why him?". But life is unfair :/ There's no set time for how long you have to mourn. Some people never get over it. Some people hide their pain behind a smile. Some people except death for what it is and move on. Everyone is different. That doesn't mean you shouldn't live your life the best you can. Enjoy your life to it's greatest potential. It really goes by fast. Because your friend passed away doesn't mean you can't live for yourself. Just remember him and why he was important to you and the good times you had. Feel better xoxo


Heather P
We all deal with death differently that is for sure. For some, life has to go on for their own mental sanity. Have you considered talking to your family physician? lexapro really helped me get out of the bed and live again for my daughters after i lost my son at 23 days old. Another mom just moved away from the surroundings that reminded her of her everyday she had with her son and gave his belongings away. Time really does heal the open wounds but the scar will always be there . I found a way to celebrate my sons life every year and still have him apart of our milestones. I always get a helium balloon for everything and allow the girls to release it to heaven for him to have. My suggestion is to find something fun you and your friend did that was special to yall and do it for his birtyhday, your birthday and even christmas if yall were that close. Look forward to those times of the year instead of dreading everyday .


Married Lady
Each person grieves differently, I have lost many people in my life and at different stages of my life. The most difficult for me was my husband at the age of 24, I had 2 children age 4 and 2 so I had to live but I did as much damage to myself as I could. The next very difficult loss for me was 19 years later when I watched my mother die from cancer. Please don't think people have moved on, especially his mother, there is no greater loss then to lose your child. Have you tried talking to his mother? When you lose someone close you just want to talk to someone and she may be very happy to talk and listen to someone about her son. Remember, he's in a better place and if you live right you will see him again.


s_meregildo
I think everyone is diffrent and deals with this kind of stuff diffrently.You may think his family is moving on but inside they may be really hurting.Two weeks is still very fresh.I believe that everything happens for a reason even if we don't understand it & you may never understand it.I think you shouldn't feel guilty your freind wants you to remember him but keep living.God is great put it in his hands & he can pull you through anything.Mourning process is diffrent for all.


doug g
There isn't any rule for the time limit, but if your life is so effected try a grief councilor .


TQUEEN
it just really depends on yourself
&& you shouldnt feel guilty for enjoying life && moving on because if you cried every day wishing your friend back to this hell [earth] it would be selfish of you because hes in a better place
i dunno thats juss my view on death....


venney2004
Rating
I know it's hard to lose a friend. You shouldn't feel guilty... you had nothing to do with the lose. I lost a good friend of mine in a car wreck (fell asleep at the wheel) and it shocked me into realizing how short life really is. I looked at life a little differently after that... and I appreciate things a little more now. I suggest doing the same. Good luck :)


random person
As long as it takes..sorry about your loss.


scorch_22
Take as long as you need, everybody is different. I think the best thing to realize is that, eventually you'll have to start living your life again, and prepare for that while grieving.


Samirah
Rating
It literally took me about 8 months..to get thru the initial shock.


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