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Health Forum    Mental Health
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 What do you do to cheer yourself up when you feel hopeless and depressed?

 I hate the world today?
I'm such a ***** and hate it. I have been mean all day to people who love me. I have anger problems. I just wish everyone whould die and leave me alone. I hate everyone. I think I hate you too. D...

 Why am i still on yahoo answers when i should be going to bed?
yes its addictive quite fun and nice to hear peoples point of view but for f**k sake why cant i get a grip on myself chill out and go to bed!!!! lol
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 I just caught my husband eating toilet paper?
I asked why he was eating it, he said he was just wadding it up in his mouth. ???!!! whats wrong with him!
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yes, I ...

 Where do you go when you die?

 If i didnt have my parents i would have killed myself by now.need soem help?
i just feel horrible i have a math teacher that is driving me insane i wanted to kill myself since the day i stepped in her door at the beggining of the year. she piles homework on me andwonders why ...

 Why do people laugh at me when i go outside?
Why do people seem to laugh at me when i go outside and face the world? People just always seem to look at me and alot of others will laugh in their cars. I am a 17 year old indian guy and consider ...

 How long should you mourn before you carry on with your every day routine?
I'll try and keep this short :)

A very good friend of mine was only 27 and killed by a drink driver two weeks ago.

After this I started over eating, stopped going to the ...

 Are you scared to die? Why or not?
Many people have died since my life began and since my Granmother passed on the 22nd of December I feel kind of lost and scared of death. Mostly when I am alone and the kids are asleep.......

 Does life get better or worse as you get older?

 Shall i commit suicide becasuse i am depressed?

 Females only! How old are you and How many hours of sleep do you get a day on weekdays?
i need to do this for my math class Please help me Thanksss!!...

it all started 5 months ago with my aunt dying, i started picking fights with my friends and family. I only like hanging out with 2 of my friends. I have been really depressed and I don't know ...

 I cant stop cutting myself?
I have been cutting all over my body for about 6 months. On my legs arms and sides. No matter how hard i try i just feel like I have to keep cutting. Its too the point where all i can think about is ...

 Is it weird that I'm affraid of penutbutter?

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I'm afraid I'll suddenly become allergic to it and my throat will close and I'll die
cause I ...

 I m afraid of the computer, how do I stop my fear??

 I Accidently Cheated On My Girlfriend Last Week?
and I confessed to her, she hit me, ran out and broke up with me.

Then I saw her on campus yesterday all hugged up on some nerd. I was furious.

I'm just a vulnerable guy. ...

 Please would someone cheer me up?
Crying over work, family and boyfriend. No friends I can talk to, feel really low...

 Why is cutting yoursef bad?
i dont understand why people freak out if you cut yourself, yea i know it means youre hurting inside, bla bla bla but everyone hurts sometimes and everyone else deals with it differently no one else ...

 What depresses you just at the thought of it?
I get really depressed when my get bloated and when I'm broke....

Do you think that self harm can be understood by people who have not self-harmed themselves??
Like, people who have been close to the harmer, or even people who have had no experience of self-harm in their lives. Can it be understood or just accepted?? Answers from both sides of the fence please, and it would be interesting if people could mention what side of the fence they're on. Thank you. :-)

I often say that people dont accept the things they dont understand and anyone that hasnt experienced self harm first hand doesnt understand...however much they try its not possible...even if they had family members/friends going through similar things...
I think accepting is different...because accepting is just knowing its there and not turning against that person for that reason...and yes people can accept it...i think...
In general i feel that people who have not experienced it first hand dont have the first idea...however much reading or research they do they will not understand or be able to feel the way self harmers do...
Self harm is such a complecated thing...many triggers...many solutions and many feelings...the world would be an easier place if people could understand and accept it...
Take care...

as a self harmer, i don't think people can fully understand it - they can gain knowledge of it, and find out from self harmers why they do it, but they don't think the same about it and are unable to feel the effect it has, so they cannot really know why it helps and feels 'good'. as with all things, i think it has to be experienced to be properly understood. however, it is a good idea for those on the other side of the fence to find out about self harm and come to understand it better, as stigma, misunderstanding and fear really doesn't help people like me - it makes getting help a lot harder.

I am not a self harmer. I think it can be accepted but not fully understood by those who dont participate. It stems from a low self esteem I believe and is an outlet for anger and frustration but is misdirected.

just ME
yes just not as well

I used to self harm after my mum died even before i got over 30 scars but i brought myself out of it whenever i wanted to self harm i would get some ice and place it on my wrist same pain not blood or scars or i get a rubber band and pin it same pain a little mark but it goes away

i tried to kill myself four times when i was a teenager. my bf used to call me mad when he found out. i hated him for it. he never really understood why i did it. he was close to me, he thought he knew everything about me. i didnt keep it from him, i told him i felt like killing myself and he never replied. he then used to go mad when id done it and say that he wished id told him. i always did. he never remembered.

from this experience id say that i dont think people who havent done it understand. but i may be wrong, it may just be my ex that didnt undestand.

I would harm myself emotionally, never physically, but I must say that I do understand, my best friend use to cut herself until I found out about it and we had many heart to heart talks and together we overcame it.... I've written many poems for her on my view of her situation and it actually helped me see our pain was so much alike, self infliction releases endorphins that can be a stress reliever, and emotionally scaring myself released anger that helped me open up and let my feelings out and get over alot of things, I guess everyone beats their self up in one way or another whether they realize it or not and it actually helps us in the end if your smart enough to get over it and turn your bad into good

James W
Well I am a therapist and I usually get responses from patients thinking I cannot relate to them because I do not abuse drugs, I do not cut myself, I do not have depression, etc. What I normally ask them is "does one need to be a horse, to be a horse doctor?" I work with drug addicts and they normally say you don't know nothing about being an addict, and my response to them is "Well then it's a good thing I'm not trying to teach you to be an addict. I'm trying to help you be clean, something I know well." I sounds kind of selfish, but the point is, is it really necessary for someone to really to understand or relate to you to help you? Maybe it's different since I am a therapist and know a lot about mental illness. I'm just giving you my take and opinion on it.

I haven't harmed myself physically or directly so to speak. But I have engaged in self-defeating behavior for years and i know how it feels to wish that my life would or could be different and that all that has happened to me I could take back and start all over again. I do understand that

Curious Orange
in my experience, no. they just seem scared and bewildered

if someone can not personally say .. i could easily cut my arms up up or i could hurt my self , in whatever way it may be i do not believe that it can be understood. i have been self harming for a while now and even though some of my friends know about it, i dont think that they understand , but they just accept that it is something that i do.

the mental side to self harming i dont think can be understood unless you have personally been there.

that was a good question by the way

I used to harm myself and I don't think anybody can understand unless they've experienced it themselves .

I have never self harmed, nor do I know anyone who has self harmed. I have had no experience of self harming or self harmers at all in my life, but I can understand why people self harm. I have experienced deep depression so perhaps that is why I can understand why people want to hurt themselves. In fact I can totally understand it. I dont know why. But I can. I get so frustrated and at times hate myself so much if i was that way inclined I would definitely lash out at myself, but I dont, thats just not me. But I can totally identify with those who want to punish themselves and feel a relief in doing so.

I understand that they see it as a way to escape other pain. I think it is generational, because i never heard of anyone self cutting until I married a younger woman. She says it is common for people her age as a way to escape so I don't think it is a legitimate mental disorder. It's copycat behavior in my opinion. I self harm in many ways but it isn't intentional. Like smoking for instance, i smoke but not to harm myself although it does. I'm not doing it to punish myself. hmmmm, I guess it is an escape.

♥ яэγoЯ ♥
I think it would be understood to an extent. I can't understand what it must be like, but I wouldn't say I accept it but to an extent I understand why people may self harm. I can't explain it that well sorry.

My ex self harms...or used to...

When I found out it scared the crap out of me (I didn't even know self-injury happened in this world until I found out my girlfriend was doing it to herself) - I mean, WHY would she cut herself when she was felt like a bad person?

...the idea STILL makes me sick but...I pull at loose skin on my feet and, if someone were to ask me "Why? What made you start?" I'd probably just say the same thing as her:

"Can't remember why I started - I've been doing it for so long...It hurts sometimes, but I just can't stop doing it"

(think I suffer from "Dermatillomania" to a certain degree according to wikipedia...)

So...its still tough for me to think about, but if I relate it to my compulsive loose-skin-picking it becomes easier to handle...

I have never cut myself. But have treated my body badly in lots of other ways.

I can understand why someone would self harm. But usually it is because they aren't understood. And sometimes don't even understand themselves.

For anyone who loves someone, understanding would be difficult, and accepting would be impossible.

Put yourself in their place, if they were about to hang themselves, would you not try and stop them?

Stop them from hurting themselves. Because you care.

Galactic Gobilina
sure it can. I went into nursing a self harmer and did find I was well skilled for dealing with like folk, but my friend with no experience was equally as cool with folk who self abuse.
The worst are the one's that call that person manipulative, I mean of course they are but manipulation should not be seen as a negative trait as it indicates someone is attempting to gain control over events where they are lacking it.
There is an era of nursing that is plagued with bad attitude and that is during the 80's when behavioural models were all the rage. This training is some of the worst I have seen as folk are seen as a set of behaviours and not much more when it is obvious there is feelings and thoughts before most displays of undesirable behaviour. That era of nursing was rather blinkered and just one of them on a ward can cause alot of problems for those trained with more humane attitudes.
I sit on both sides, although I haven't harmed for a few years now. I am also a psychiatric nurse.
Self harm is very easily understood, many but not all have a history of abuse or interferance and it starts off as punishment but becomes a pleasure.

I'm not sure. At first when I read the question i thought yes it could be understood but then when you said they just accepted it, that got me thinking. I think that only self-harmers can fully understand it completely. Others can however accept it and I think they can understand it partially. They can understand part of why we do it. They understand that it's a coping mechanism. The people understand it the best though are the people who have experienced it.

i'm a self harmer in many ways
i think if a person has never self harmed they can understand what its like to a certain point but they can never fully understand
my friend said to me i do understand and sympathise with you
hope this helps x

Grace L
I do a form of cutting and my parents don't understand why I do it. We used to get in such huge fights over it and although things are better today, they still bring it up occassionally People who haven't experienced self-harm will most likely not understand it and it will be very hard for them to accept it.

understood? not entirely. accepted? yes. there's a difference between sympathy and empathy. empathy can be learned, if someone is willing to try.

I think generally, people don't understand. I was very close to a family member who self harmed. There was a time, I'd even wrestled on the kitchen floor to get a bread knife off them.
I know the reason why they self harmed, I understood in a way, the logic behind them self harming but only in part could I grasp how deeply distressed they must have been to seek release through self harming.

wendy p
i am on the self harming side and i dont think that someone who hasnt been trough it can truly understand. people study on it and get degrees, but they dont know how it actually feels on the inside.

Kayla Koolaid
i dont no, i used to cut, and my parents were extremly mad about it and till this day my mom still makes comments about it. I haven't meet anyone yet who hasnt hurt themselves, that understands. Hope this helps

I believe that self injury can be accepted, but not understood. It's still taboo, and a part of the "emo" stereotype. Many don't understand that self injury is addictive. Most think that its an easy thing to quit, that the injurer is mentally ill, or even a danger to herself and society. I've been a self injurer for the past 8 years of my life, although my family has said "alright, you cut", they don't understand the reasoning behind it. They ask "why do you cut yourself?" My response is "emotional distress." These questions seem go around in a circle. Those whom have suffered, or are still suffering from the effects of self injury have to thank the media for the un-caring, permanant stigma set on self injury. 20 percent of those who first try cutting will stop, realizing the harsh reality of those whom stereotype cutters as "emo" or emotionally uninvolved. Most whom are the ones stereotyping refuse to understand that self injury is a faulty coping mechanism. They understand that a good 60-70% of those who cut are, in fact, trying to get some form of attention; but what they don't know is that self injurers are trying to get another form of attention; mainly from family members or friends; or more understandingly, they are trying to get help for and underlying problem they are suffering from. Self Injury isn't a simple way of asking for attention, it is actually a simple, yet complicated way to ask for help. Believe it or not, a mere 60 percent of those whom call self injurers "emo", are in fact attempting to cover up emotional incompetence themselves.

I'll give you the cutter's point of view. No, I don't believe that non-self harmers will ever truely understand why we do it, but then can accept that fact. They will never understand how it makes us feel better, how it helps us release the pain that we feel inside, how we can't fall asleep at nite until we hurt ourselves.... and honestly, i wouldnt expect them to. can you expect a drug user to be understood by a drugfree person? can you expect an alcoholic to be understood by a sober person? they will never truely understand unless they have experience. it can be understood to an extent, but never truely understood to the full extent by the non-selfharmers. it is basically like any addiction. and no, we dont want attention to the fact that we hurt ourselves, we dont want our "secret" to be revealed to the world and those around us. we "need" to self harm, y would we want that taken away or be made fun of about it? i dont want sympathy, and i dont want anyone to know about my cutting, i do it to make myself feel better, and i dont want anyone getting in the way of that.

I used to worry about my self harming, and certainly had more than one partner who found out and got very concerned, but now I consider it as part of who I am. Even when I watch a 20/20 or documentary about it the only reason they come up with for it being a truly bad thing is that the harmer may get overly intent and kill themselves. I think that if I cut deep enough to die, I would seek medical attention. We're not crazy, we just inflict small amounts of pain to release tension. This is better for me than smoking or binge drinking or any kind of drug. We are usually creative, conflicted and stressed out people who just need to breathe easily for a moment. Acceptance would be nice.

Girl, Interrupted
To an extent maybe, but not in the way that someone who selfhamed would understand. I used to cut myself a lot, several times a day, on the arms and legs with razo blades, I had a little 'kit' I kept with me all the time. I kept it hidden for ages, and was only found out when I went a bit crazy with the razor one night and slashed so deep I hit an artery. I did it to release an intense, indescribable pain, stress, and anger and to feel relief from what felt like a nuclear explosion of energy that had to come our or I felt like I would go mad or kill myself. It was also a comfort in times of stress.

When people found out I don't think anyone could really understand why I did it, someone once asked me why I didn't just punch a pillow or something, it is very difficult to explain to someone who has never actually done it. It is a very private thing and all I wanted was to be left alone because I couldn't cope with people, I certainly didn't want attention or questions about it.

The one person who I think did understand it was my (now) husband, he never tried to stop me or tell me it was stupid or wrong, he just let me come out of it gradually as I became less angry and more settled, and I just gradually stopped needing to do it. He knew if he tried to challenge me it would send me off the rails as he was the only person I could be totally open with, and I knew I could trust him completely to give me his absolute support in every way, had he challenged me I probably would have turned away from him as well like I'd turned away from everyone else in my life, and I may well have given up and killed myself. I am eternally grateful to him for letting me get through that time without giving me a hard time about it. He gave me exactly what I needed at that time, and I love him very much.

Ever since I was 16 I've gone through stages of self harm at really low points in my life caused by years of abuse from my step dad. Until the point that I started to harm myself, I never really understood why people would want to do such a thing but now that I've done it I do understand other people who have harmed. Very few people know that I've ever harmed, but my best friend in the whole world knows about it and he is able to understand why I've done it despite the fact he has never harmed before. He's always been there to support me through the bad times. I'm so grateful to him for that. I think the ability to understand someone who harms is dependant on how close you are to the harmer. My best friend is really close to me and knows about everything that has happened in my life that has probably caused me to end up self harming, whereas someone who didn't know of my situation couldn't even begin to understand why I've ever done it.

Acceptance would depends upon the person again. Close minded people wouldn't be able to accept that people do experience such bad emotions and feelings that the result is self harm. Going back to my best friend again. He does understand why I self harm but it doesn't mean that he likes to accept that I'm doing it. If I self harm it hurts him as he knows I must be feeling especially low and he doesn't want that for me. Understanding something and accepting something are two completly different things. Something can be understood but not accepted as well as something being accepted and not understood. Most people in society would see self harming as abnormal behaviour as it's a behaviour that deviates from typical social norms so therefore would not accept it.

I don't think you have to be someone who has harmed to understand or accept there are people out there who do it.

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