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 I have asked a question about cancer. My next question is; is there life after death?
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 I am 14 and i am a chain smoker any advice on how to cut down?
i have smoked for 2 years started when i got into alot of trouble and i dont want to quit all together i jus wanna slow dwn if dat makes ani sence 2 ya i tried lines and da nhs trust fings dnt ceem 2 ...


 Can men get breast Cancer?
Can men get breast cancer? my honey has a right swollen nipple that is very tender... Could it be a systs?
Im not j/k....


 Need a team name! help?!?
FORMING A GIRLS TEAM FOR THE BREAST CANCER 3 DAY WALK IN NOVEMBER AND WE NEED HELP WITH A TEAM NAME....
SOMETHING TO DO WITH GIRLS, PINK, WALKING, ETC.
SOMETHING LIKE THAT....
LET ME KN...


 Have you or anyone u known had cancer?
hey... recently a family member has been told they have 6 months to live as she has jst discovered she has cancer in her stomach and its spread to the liver... the doctor says she has 6 months to ...


 Does having a LOW white cell count mean you COULD possibly have leukemia?
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 I will be starting my first cycle of chemo next monday?
i have stage 2 ovarian cancer i have to do 6 cycles of chemo (or more it depends) and i will taking Bleomycin, etoposide, and cisplatin. All meds have hair loss as their side effects. I have ...


 Bowel cancer? can it cure itself?
I have a Christain friend who has bowel cancer, he's not going to go for an operation as he said that he is going to pray to God to cure him, and that God will answer his prays,,, I think that ...


 Grieving the loss of my Mom?
My Mom lost her battle to Ovarian Cancer a month ago today. Right after she past I did cry, and felt that I missed her, but part of me couldn't fully let go and release my emotions. I still ...


 My dad and his father before him they had colone cancer, i'm 30 years old what should i do?
my dad and his father before him they had colone cancer, i'm 30 years old what should i do?...


 I'm 14 and I think I may have/be at risk for colon cancer??
Well my dad's dad died of Colon Cancer in March. He had a tumor the size of a soccer ball. MY dad probably has it because he's always constipated and he bleeds while on the toilet. Maybe ...


 I have cancer and im scared?
i just found out i have ca of the uterus and cervix, and im still shocked by the news. have to see a ca dr next week to see about surgery. i am so depressed about it, all i do is cry. my husband ...


 Why should I be concerned about lung cancer?
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 Help!!! I need anwers!!?
I'm 14 yrs old and i worry about getting different kinds of cancer! I dont know how you know when you got cancer? and what cancer feels like. I need help because i worry about it nonstop and it ...


 There's a small hump in backside of head,near neck ,will it be cancer?
I had 2 road accidents both times hit the head,then later on after 2yrs i got swelling (a hump) in right side of head.Can there be fiber accumulation??I feel it gradually increase its size.Do I need ...


 Does any one know any symptoms of colon/rectal cancer?
Are there any sure signs that something is wrong?...


 My breasts hurt, do you think i have breast cancer???
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 What does tobacco do to you?
School ...


 Should a 42 year old female with oral cancer under go chemotherapy if her biopsy removed most, CTshow nogrowth
should a 42 year old female with oral cancer undergo chemotherapy after her biopsy removed most of the cancer, and the CT scan showed no growth. She is feeling very skeptic about treatment. The Dr.�...


 I was just wondering about brain tumors. Can you die from one? How is a brain tumor treated/detected?
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Euan
My best friend just died?
She died of cancer and I wasn't there for her because I moved away. I thought there would be time to go and see her again, and the next thing I heard she had died. I feel so guilty and I can't think about anything except how I won't ever see her again, sometimes I wish I was dead instead.
I'm so lonely I might just end it all.
What can I do....what's going to make it hurt less?
Please help me.
                     




Mike M
The pain will not just go away. It is there for a reason. There is a piece of you, your history, gone. Remember your friend, grieve for her loss, and talk to others about what a great person she was. It shouldn't hurt less. If she was a good friend, losing her is painful, period. I pray you will fond solace and comfort in life, in the small daily things that are beautiful and remind you of her. Pray, ask God to comfort and heal you and assist your ability to tolerate the pain and grow from it. If you really struggle adapting, see a pastor or a doctor, but for the most part the old adage is correct; time heals all wounds.


chip2001
I feel so sorry for you - but the first thing to remember is that your friend would want you to get on with your life and enjoy it.
It will take time, but it will get better.
Meantime, it would probably help you to talk about things with a trained counsellor.
Ask at your doctor's surgery (assuming you're in the UK) for local services like Cruse.
I'm thinking of you.


jules
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I am very sorry to read that your friend died and you were unable to see her, I am sure as everyone else has said she would not of wanted you to harm yourself because of this, only time can heal the pain im afraid.Please be strong.x


MacJedi
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I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Of course you thought there would be more time! Our lives are spent waking up to days when everything is the same - it's hard to imagine that someone will not be there, and particularly if you didn't see her to know how she was doing.

It is completely normal to feel regret that you didn't spend more time with her. You'll just have to take in on trust that even if you had spent every day with her, you would still feel that regret, because the regret is not as much about the past as it is about not being able to spend time with her now.

The pain will get easier to bear over time. Some things that will help are to write down how you felt about her. Write letters to her family telling them how much she meant to you, and why. Tell the stories that come to mind that show what kind of a person she was.

You say you sometimes wish you were dead instead, which of course isn't possible. Even if you were to die, she would still be gone, and the people who know you both would be twice as sad - as bad as you feel right now, I'm sure you don't want to cause others to feel that way if you can help it.

You should find that over the next several days there will be times when her death is not on your mind. That's normal too, and a sign that you are adjusting to your new world. If that doesn't happen, or if you find yourself considering specific ways to end it all, you should talk to someone in person and get some additional help in working through this.

You can get through it; you will never not miss her, but you will be able to find ways to honor her memory in how you live your life, rather than dishonoring her memory by thinking about dying yourself.

My heart goes out to you. Losing someone is just about the most painful thing to go through.


Sophie J
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I'm so sorry :(
When my grandad died I was absolutely distraught and the best bit of advice I was given was from my best friend. She told me 'Just remember that he loved you and you loved him and that's all that mattered'
It made me realise that even though he's not here anymore I'll always love him and I always know how much he loved me and I'll always have my memories.
I'm sure she'd want you to have an amazing life full of happiness, so keep smiling and do her proud :)
xxx


999pheebs
I'm so sorry my condolences, sorry x
I don't think anything can take away your pain of missing her right now except time, but know that there was nothing you could have done, and she knew you two were good friends when she died you left her with good memories, you don't have anything to feel guilty about though i know us saying it wont stop you from feeling guilty but really you don't.
I'm sure because you were best friends she cared about you just as much, and would not want you to feel so horrible you wished it was you, so please don't, eventually you will be able to take a little comfort in something but just think if you end it all now the hurt you feel will be felt by everyone that is close to you now xxx


LeslieAnn
Ulien, I am sorry for your pain; I can tell it is very severe this time. Let me say this that I have faced death of close family people, but not a best friend. I've never had a true best friend. I've also faced the desire to die, many times. I grew up in pain and fear due to severe abuse and It's made life hard to recover and get past it all. Having said that, Let me say a few things:

Ending your life this way would hurt your best friend to the core if she knew of it. It is making a final choice to end temporary pain. NOT COOL.

I don't know where you live, but there are many places that have grief support groups for these life changing losses. I recommend you get into one.

Seek help SOON. Don't let this pain over ride your life and end it this way. It is not the right choice. You should honor your friend, not follow her.

What can you do to HONOR your FRIEND??? Instead of dying, live to do something that will bring honor to your friend. Raise money to help end cancer......there are many ways you could make a positive difference - even while you grieve for her loss.

I have to tell you the truth, Jesus Christ is the one who has helped me with the difficult pain of this life. He has given me a new life and helped me to not quit in this life. You need a Big God for help in a big crunch like this. If you will open your heart and pain up to Jesus Christ, He will help you. He is the Son of God, who died for your sins and was raised from the dead so He can forever help those of us who need Him.

You feel your life is over....right? Then why not give it to God and let Him do something with it? He loves you, knows what it is like to lose the most precious person of all, is powerful enough to help anyone!!!

Its ok to grieve, to cry, scream, whimper, cuss, freak out.....however the feelings come out of your being - but it is never right to hurt yourself or someone else when the pain is unbearable to you. PLEASE DON'T HURT YOURSELF!

People on line will help you as best they can, but we are inadequate to your 24/7 need in this time. Only God is there 24/7/365. Talk to Him. Read in the book of Psalms, it is a big comfort.

Bottom line your friend forgives you. She knows you would have been there if you could and isn't sad about this. Don't be cruel to yourself, it won't please her at all!

You can email me if you ever want to. I will listen and pray.

Leslieann


Nicholas D
It is sad to lose someone close to you, and I sympathise, but it is true that in the midst of life we are surrounded by death. I have just had the third anniversary of my daughters sudden death. Your friend is free of all pain now - no more tears - no more sadness for her. Nothing will make it hurt less in your heart right now but that is part of the grieving process that we all need. As time passes you will find things to smile about again when you remember the happy times you had together.


Simmi
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You are grieving and this is normal when you lose someone who is important to you. The best thing to do is find people you can talk to and cry if you feel a need to do this. If you don't have people like this, find a grief support group. It takes quite a while to feel okay. There are lots of things we think we would have done differently and maybe we would have. There will be other people in your life that you will lose. You can think about maybe you won't get a second chance to see them and therefore move sooner than later. Most of us are in this place, so don't beat yourself up about this.


†lifeonloan†
Rating
Uien........

Few of us are strangers to loss and grief. The essence of grief is asking ourselves what could we have done, what should we have done. There are no easy answers and even the hard and true answers can be quite slow in coming.

Guilt will do nothing for your friend. You do not have the ability to turn back time, none of us do. To wish your own death is merley a testimony of the depth of your grief. Grieving is a process.......there is denial, guilt, anger, questioning, learning, and acceptance to go through. Nothing will make this easier for you. You simply must endure and let time pass. Cherish your memories, and take with you, how quickly we can lose those we love, this alone will make you a better friend to others.

You can't speed time no more than you can turn it back. Embrace your grief! Cry, mourn, revel in memories, the fact that you grieve gives meaning to your life.

You know what loss feels like.........appreciate what and WHO you have and will have in the future. This will be a wonderful homage to your recent friend.


mailliam
I am very sorry for your trouble. But be sure where ever she is she is thinking of you with only loving thoughts. You would do no one any good by harming yourself. Just look at the amount of people who are concerned for your situation on here and there are thousands / millions who would feel the same if they only knew. As a previous answerer said let the tears flow that's why we have them to give us relief in the bad times. Time will heal the wound but the scar will remain, we are stronger in the places that were broken.

I wish you all the best and God Bless.


Ferrari Babe ¸.•*´`*♥ ♥*´`*•.¸
I'm sorry for your loss. It is natural to feel guilty when someone dies, we all find reasons to feel guilty about things we did, things we didn't, things we said, and things we didn't. It's very sad her life ended prematurely and I'm sure the last thing she'd want is for yours to end too. Maybe you would benefit from bereavement counselling. There is little comfort when grieving, it's a process that needs to be experienced in order for you to come to terms with your loss.


cayennesun
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I'm so sorry for this loneliness you are drowning in right now.
Grief is like the ocean and the waves, the waves are always lapping at the shore, sometimes they are larger and sometimes smaller, sometimes calmer, sometimes rougher.

You are in the raw first stages of grief. And as much as you want to be alone, try to get to a grief group. Contact your local hospital and they can put you in touch with groups in your area. Alone time is good, but not too much. Just ask for grief groups in your area, you don't need to go into detail.
Also call your local hospital and ask for a suicide hot line phone number, so you can talk to people who really understand what you are going through right now and can relate to you over the phone any time of the day or night and you need that kind of coverage for yourself right this minute.
Please do this for yourself. You can make repeated calls.
I used to work on a suicide hot line and it really is helpful when you feel like you describe to us.

It's ok if you can't sleep or eat on your regular schedule, but make sure you do get naps and drink fluids and eat fruit or something light. It won't bring her back or make you feel better to hurt yourself physically.

Depression with loss of this type is common. Try not to let it get out of control. Wouldn't your best friend want you to take care of her best friend????? Don't you think in the depths of your being that she holds you only in love and YES IT HURTS when you realize you didn't get to see her once more. But you were best friends. She knew you weren't letting her down. You do remember her. You do love her. And now your relationship has moved to another level.

So feel your personal grief. Your loss. That empty space that no one will fill. And realize also what a gift you had that many don't ever get to experience. And this is your sort of 'wound of honor' that comes with love - you loved someone and were loved in return. That is huge and no one and nothing can come between you and that truth.

Time is the only healer here, lots and lots of time. You will always miss her, but the agony and the kicked in the gut feeling when you wake from sleep will eventually fade.

Of course you can't think about anything except how you won't see her again right now. This too will eventually soften around the edges. Please try to be around other people who care about you, even if they can't fill her shoes.

Sympathy for your loss of your dearly loved best friend.

May you know the peace of the love that you shared and may it overshadow any other feelings and lift you up with strength renewed.


Elliot Y
I appreciate that you can care so deeply for a friend. God bless you for that. But BELIEVE ME, you have MUCH MORE LIFE TO LIVE, MANY MORE PEOPLE TO HELP, MANY IMPORTANT THINGS LEFT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE. The LAST THING your friend would EVER want you to do, if she was a REAL friend, would be to commit suicide over this. Find someone you know and trust---a minister, an older friend, a teacher, there must be someone in your life you can share with, and talk it out with them. Bawl your eyes out if you have to. But KNOW that this world has plans for you you know nothing about---life is wonderful, and you will get through this and bring love and joy to many, many other people! God bless you!


zizou
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sorry to hear that, its horrible when someone dies.
But dont blame yourself because it wasnt your fault she died, you have to understand that, you just moved away.
i know how it feels (well kinda) because my dads best friend died and he was upset for ages. He felt so depresed. I felt sad but my dad was very upset.
But the only way is to just move on.
one thing i would say is to think of the good times you had with her. Just think happy thoughts.
Would she want you to be upset and depresed all your life? no, she would want you to be happy.
I know she was your best friend but you still have to move on.
once again im sorry to hear that your friend has died.
hope everything goes well.


Carol x
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She wont have been thinking of you in the same way....she will only have remembered you with love, im sure of it.
Rarely, do terminal patients feel bitter towards others.

Time is the only thing that will help you recover.. & throwing yourself into other activities.
Take time to grieve.. contact her family, visit her grave, write her a letter... she will always be with u... even when u think she's not.


Moonwake
First I am sorry for your loss. I went through a similar thing when my brother committed suicide. These thoughts made me sick with cancer and I had to wake up and change my attitude towards living. Your friend does not want you to be either sad or guilty over her death. The last thing that she would want is for you to remain in a state of depression for the rest of your life. Go to your family Dr. and get some help for your depression it is very treatable and also join a group in your area for grieving it helps to talk to other people who are going through the same thing.


Wordsmith99
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I'm sorry it's so hard for you at the moment. You know everybody feels guilty when they lose someone. That's something that will pass in time but everybody has their own pace for getting through grief.

There are loads of support groups you can contact if you google bereavement support - you can see details of some here: http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/Resourcessupport/Advancedcancer/Deathbereavement
Click on Organisations for contact information, click on Patient information guide for a good booklist.
Don't follow her. If you died you'd be making somebody else feel the way you do now - Two wrongs don't make a right.

Give it time. Peace to you


irishladybottons
well i understand my hasband died and iwas at hospital 4 days day and nite on the fifth went home catch nap the phone my husband had died nurse sometimes they wait till loved ones aregone you will grive but then rember thegood times


Aysha.
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the best thing to do is cry as hard and as long as you can. cry your eyes out. and smile, trust me smiling works, just do it, for your self. please dont do anything stupid, those feeling will soften up. cry. im really truley sorry, pains me too.


Marie C
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some time when it comes to loseing a friend the first thing we think about is our self and self guilt

your friend must have been really ill and even if you were with her do you think it would have made a difference? i hate to sound hard but she was still going to pass if you were there or not

remember the old days and the good memories you have with time it will get better


Kay
Let the tears flow whenever they want to. Time will not heal your regret and at times..you will feel so disconnected to life that it is misery to breathe. But, you know what? Our human hearts just keep on beating and Life does keep happening. Would your friend want you to be in such agony while she is really at peace and not hurting anymore? There are so many things in this Life we can not control or the timing of things. I simply ask you to breathe through each day. Hold those friends you have here close to your heart and be a friend to them as you can be.


Varisha
Don't try and blame yourself for your friends passing, its not your fault. Every person has a different life and you moving away shouldn't have affected her life and it didn't. Cancer is a serious disease and only some are lucky to survive it while others are sadly unlucky to make it through, because there are no cure. Just pray or hope that where she is now she is safe and being well looked aftered. Its really depressing that a friend has past away, but someday soon you will accept what happen and move on.. Remembering her in your heart will always make her feel as though you care xxxxx


Love life.
Rating
OH .bless i know how you feel.one of my best friends died very suddenly this morning,Im totally gutted,Life is so short ,try and live every day best as you can,the hurt will in time heal,please dont do anything silly,im sure if she could tell you the same he would,Please Take Hug from me,KNOW IT HURTS,


Happihawkeye
I can imagine how awful you must feel. I, too, lost a dear friend and found it very difficult to come to terms with the suddenness of it and the fact that I didn't see her before passed away.

I took comfort that my friend was now free of pain, in a far better place, and because of her good heart, I knew she would've forgiven me for not being there for her at the end.

Time really does heal. At first the pain is raw and relentless, but as the days, weeks and months pass, the dreadful ache in my heart grew a little less, and a little less.

You should speak with a family member or the Samaritans to help you realise that you are not to blame for what happened, and that your friend doesn't either.

Hang in there, sweetie, and you will find you will be able to grieve for your friend without it causing yourself damage.

xx


ma
Rating
I'm really sorry, it's a horrible thing, but please, hang in there. The only thing I can do is assure you that she knew you were there in spirit...don't feel guilty about that. I am convinced people are in control of the time they pass, and they usually wait until they've said good bye to all they need to. Know that she can know your heart even though she is gone, so just talk to her and get rid of that guilt. Good luck to you.


ANG
Rating
Sorry for your loss, you had moved away but on reading this you thought about her alot and sometimes that's enough. Try to remember the good times you had together and build on that, for you to end it because she has died would be a terrible shame, you need to talk about her to other people and remember her with tears of joy, if you left this world then who would be able to tell your and her's story....


NATTY
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If she is in your heart then she is still with you for always. I think it is best to ask some friends or family to come over. Cherish your life and cherish her memories.


orphan boy
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they is nothing you can do she will be watching over you please dont do anything silly its not worth it and im sure your friend wouldnt want you to


Mark D
These words by Henry Scott Holland may put things in perspective for you. They have helped me more than once.

"Death is nothing at all…
I have only slipped away into the next room,
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no differences into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me.
Let my name be ever the household name that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort,
without the ghost of a shadow on it.
Life means all that is ever meant.
It is the same as it always was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval somewhere very near…
just around the corner.
All is well."


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