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 My brother has cancer only 2 months left im finding it hard to cope?
im just devastated
Additional Details
thanks olivia its ...

 I am dying of of cancer, but i can't tell my fiance or family. I don't want them to fuss over me. I am scared

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 Have you noticed that a few hours prior to death, the patient will suddenly experience an improvement?
and then, after about 12-24 hours deceases?
What could be the cause?

I have witnessed this in neonates, adults, and even animals.
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What is wrong with me?...

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 My mothers doctors have told us that she has 4-6 weeks to live due to brain cancer, should we tell her or not?
she knows shes not 100% but dont know that nothing more can be done, shes talking about things she is goin to do when she get out of hospital ...

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 Why isn't cigarette smoking illegal?
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 I have asked a question about cancer. My next question is; is there life after death?

Do you tell a mature adult that she is going to die soon?
My mum is 64. She has breast cancer. May have had it for several months but believed she was dealing with it very well without the help of modern doctors (and without informing any family member neither).
Two weeks ago she has been told she has cancer. She was very confident. Her health has decreased very rapidly since then and she is now very weak (can hardly talk). Doctors have decided to keep her in hospital today and have confirmed it is a matter of a few weeks.
She had lots of projects and finds it difficult to leave now.
I believe she should know and be told that she does not have much time left, so that she can "close her life" and prepare. Would you agree with this? If not, why not?
Additional Details
Apparently, the doctor told my dad she should never be told that she cannot be cured. Instead, what he told my mother is that her condition is extremely serious but that they would do everything they could to save her... What did she hear? "they are saving me". So now she feels more energetic and optimistic, although very very weak. Well, I am wondering if any favor is done to her. And yes, she told my dad she wanted to be told all the truth, whatever it is. Comments?

Yes, I believe you should tell her. My Grandmother had cancer 4 times and died a few years ago. She could not have anymore treatments and my family opted not to tell her the last time, because they were afraid she would give up and die faster. During the last couple of days she was in and out of consciousness and when she was able would tell us how she was not ready to die. She was adamant that it was not her time. I think that even though none of us know when our time will come, but like in this instance I think she should have been told. She may have felt like she needed some kind of closure with someone or something. I think it was very selfish of my family to not give her the opportunity to live the rest of her time to wrap up her life on this earth.

i would tell her. but it also depends on the person, maybe your mother is in denial, or has already closed that chapter of her life. she might not want to tell you guys because your the kids and she might think she may be scarring you or something. just be there for her, and talk to her. deep down she already she dont have much time. cherish the time you have with now instead of worrying what to tell her. time is very precious, dont waste it. good luck.

i would tell her just incase theres something she wants 2 do b4 she dies sorry to hear tht i woukld h8 bein told tht ma mum got cancer

Your mother may surprise you- She probably realizes, all by herself, that her time is short. Having said that, don't steal the sense of hope that seems to linger in spite of all the negative signs. Ask your mother what she would like to finish if her life were to end shortly. That is how I would begin the conversation. She has the right to talk about it.

I'm sorry to hear about your Mother. Yes I agree, but it shouldn't necessarily be your job to do so - either the doctors in the hospital or the MacMillan Nurse should be gently informing your mother. of her prognosis.

My Father died a few years ago - he was diagnosed with Cancer and died within 10 weeks, so I know the situation quite well.

i would tell her. i would rather know so as you say, i could tie things up and enjoy the time i have left. good luck to you. god bless you and your mum.

angel 36
do you have other family members that you could talk it over with its a very hard choice we never told my mam she was dying when she was two yrs ago but she knew herself bein honest with her gives her time to say the things she may need to say i hope you find the right answer its not an easy choice

i was the same as u when my dad past away last week. i felt it was wrong not letting him know he was going to die but i never. think they know anyway. just be there for ur mum and tell her how much u love her, thoughts are wih u, so sorry

my mother died of cancer.. it would be best if she knew that she didnt have much time left so that she could prepare herself.. it's much better that way for her and for her family... she can get to arrange things while she is still able because time is short... it's not right that she should be kept in the dark about how much time she has left... i'm so sorry that you have to go through this although seeing that you are dealing with it will help her ... it will be a difficult time for you but knowing you have carried out her last wishes will help you come to terms with her death when it happens

Denise W
DON'T tell her for god's sake DON'T..my Dad got told 2 weeks before he died and he was on panic pills right up until they put him on Morphine for the last 3 days of his life, If he had not known he would have been far more relaxed and had a gentler road into his departure. Please just be loving caring and there for her BUT DON'T tell her she is gonna die shortly.

First let me say that I am sorry for what you are going through and I totally understand. I lost my mother 6 years ago to lung cancer and even knowing tht she was terminal there was that part in her that believed she would survive. I too held onto that belief. 8 months after her innitial diagnosis she started to recieve hospice care and the first thing her nurse told me was to not hide the fact that she was dieing. Don't pretend it isn't happening, or set up false hopes. Be real...as sad and hard as it was, we sat and we talked day after day ( I cared for her in my home until she died) about death. This not only helps you as the loved one semi prepare (you can never fully prepare) but allows the dieing to accept what is happening, make ammends, say goodbyes, etc...before leaving this earth. I also work as a CNA in a nursing home after my mothers death and we always let the person know what was happening with them, even if they were not mentally there...because really their mind knows and they need to know that it is okay. They need to know that their time is over but a new better life is still to come. I was afraid when my mother was dieing and wasn't really by her in her last few days...even though we were in the same house. But later as a CNA I walked and talked several people from this world to the other side. There is no greater gift than to sit and hold a dieing persons hand and guide them to the other side and it is obviously easier if the person kows that they are dieing...plus they need to know from their loved ones that it is okay for them to go...they do truly need an okay. Noone deserves to have false hope or believe that they are going to survive only to be dead in the end...so yes, sit, talk with her, put your feelings aside, and help guide her through her own mourning process...then later take care of yours. Good luck your in my prayers.

that's the Dr's job

no I would not tell her she is going to die soon at least by her not knowing she has hope in her heart, by telling her the truth it is something final and very frightening and she will give up altogether.Be strong and give her hope in her final few weeks we all would like to think we have a long time in this world,have strength and dont be so matter of fact wheres the harm, thinking of you all God bless

Jan G
when my mum was dying, although i never actually told her that it was near the end, i felt that she knew and the doctor in the hospice said that most patients did realise even if it was never actually said out loud. i told my mum that she was very poorly but that i would be with her all the time, that i loved her very much and that i was so lucky to have her as my mum. the only thing i would say is to be honest if she asks any questions.

I think your mother knows, but as you have said - she finds it difficult to leave just yet. I know many (very) elderly people who have challenging projects going on all the time, who believe that for as long as they can keep going - they'll keep going.
Sadly this is not this case.
Offer to help her with her projects, if this is causing her distress to leave them...There is never ever a good time to go.
My mother suffered a series of strokes and was very much aware that she was dying - we never spoke of it though and we continued to make plans right up to her death. She survived far longer that the doctors allowed her and she never gave up, because I never gave up on her.
Put yourself in your mother's position and ask yourself what you would want.

Only you know how your mother would deal with this. Its so unfair, but I think she should know. Bless her

i would want to know, would haveto know, but that's me. everyone is different.

probably nobody knows your mother better than you do. if you feel it is right to tell her, you are probably correct.

if you feel you need a second opinion you should take advice only from people who know your mother as well as you do (her other children perhaps, or her best friends).

we are all strangers. whatever we tell you you should ignore.

I don't agree that you should tell her she is "dying". People have been told this and gone on to live far longer than the doctors have stated. What you could say is that the doctors have said the cancer is advancing, and ask her if there is anything she'd really like to do in the coming weeks, and then help her to do whatever that is.

I'm sure your Mum already knows the situation deep down. The important thing is to be there for her and support her as much as you can, and make the most of every minute you have with her. Don't focus on the "end" - focus on what time she has left.

Before you decide on an approach, gather all your resources:
1) get all interested parties (family, friends) to come to a meeting where
2) Hospice representative is on hand to give guidance. If you don't like the hospice person they send, request another, now is not the time to be "making do" with someone you would rather not deal with.

Round table it to find out what the consensus approach is to informing her of this most dire news. These people collectively have much knowledge of her and how she will react.

She may surprise you with her reaction. Frequently people already "know" on some level that they are going to die and have an inner strength to face the situation with more grace and dignity than you would imagine.

If she does not have a will, you might want to approach a Probate attorney to get one in place, fast. If you don't want that route, and you should be able to get her to agree to what she wants done with her estate, take a video camera in and tape her statement. Immediately make unadulterated copies of it and put one in a safe deposit box, and distribute others to interested parties.

Plan to take some time off work under the Family Emergency Medical Leave Act, so you can attend to her needs. Have someone there with her at all times. She may have a strong desire to be at home, and make those arrangements, even if it means bringing in a hospital bed.

Make her last weeks as pleasant as possible. Fix and serve whatever she feels like eating. Be available and attentive, but do not force "chatty" conversation on her when she is not wanting that. Don't be afraid to touch her if she is a person who likes to be touched. Give her back rubs, or rub lotion into her forearms and hands. Stroke her forehead. Be there to listen. Be strong, it will help her know you are an adult and will continue to be successful in your own life, that her work on that project is complete. But don't be afraid to cry also, you need to look after your emotional health at this most trying time.

If you do this well, you will feel satisfied and proud, even though sad.

NO...i wont


I can't possibly answer for you. All I know is that I, myself, would want to know so that I could, like you say, put my affairs in order. I would hate to think that people were keeping this from me.

the doctor was right to say they would do everything they could, but you should never give somebody false hope. if she asks if she is going to die you should be honest

Well different individuals would react to a similar situation in very many different ways. I do not know your mom well enough so as to tell you what needs to be done by you and your family. But I would say that if your mom is a no nonsense person and she likes to know the truth straight then yes all of the family members need to come together and tell her that she is suffering from a cancer which according to doctors is at a stage that it cant be cured but even then they have not lost hope and similarly she should also not loose hope. After all none of us know what is going to happen to us in the next second. The deterioration in her condition could be due to the spread of her cancer to various parts or organs. May God be with you.

Dr. Mandar Arekar (M.D.- Internal Medicine)

Now days doctors tell the patients first.

To be honest I think the doc is right, I think you will find your mother knows the position she is in , I also think support is the most important thing you can give your mum at this point. Try and be strong for her and God bless.

richard c
yes tell her my mother died of cancer we did not tell her how bad it was but i think she knew P's i also agree with joxsters answer
good luck i know how you feel

kim k
There is no Gentle way to tell a loved one they are dying. If this were you, would you want to know? Do you think your mother would want to know?

Nothing is going to change whats happening. It is the hardest thing you and your family are going through right now.

I know, I lost my husband last year to head and neck cancer. Major surgery, with a tracheotomy and stomach feeding tube. He had to have chemo and radiation treatments..... At the time we didn't know what his chances were. But the doctors knew he was dying before the treatments started. They did not tell us, and put him through a terrible torture for 5 months. It was unnecessary torture....because he was already dying and nothing would change.

If he had known.......he never would have gone through the treatments. My husband was denied those last months with his family and friends. The last month he could not talk at all because of the trach, and he couldn't write....because of the location of the tumor going to his brain...etc. But he was aware of everything and even could get up to go to the bathroom two days before he died.

I agree with you one thousand times. This is your mother's life, and she has the right to know. There may be things she wants to talk about, things you want to tell her. Maybe all she'll want is hugs. Don't let the doctors make decisions for you family.

There may be a point where your mom gets mad and angry.....but that will pass and hopefully she will accept what's happening. (My husband got angry....but I believe it was because he wasn't told when the doctors first knew he was dying and didn't tell us. I am still very angry.......becasue it was wrong of them.)

You can call hospice (the hospital should have that information). They will give you information on how they can help. Most of all.......they will not push you into a decision....but give you some choices to think about. Remember....this should be your mom's choice..........nothing is worse than giving someone false hope. And if your mom knows she has cancer, I'm sure she knows she's dying. If they are giving her lots of drugs......that can also make her sick and uncomfortable.

I can't tell you what's best for your mom, you and your family. I just know what happened to my family was horrible. I can tell you this, we only had my husband home for 6 days before he died. But we got hospice in.......my husband chose to stop any medications he was given for infection, his feedings, and his oxygen.......for 6 days he took back his life. He was more calm and comfortable. The only thing I gave him was Morphine when he had pain. Our children were with us when he passed.......there was finally a calm about him......and it was beautiful.

My heart goes out to you and your family, and you'll be in my prayers!

Mrs. Dee
As a nurse, please tell her! She was an active lady then there are probably things in her life she needs to do and finish. There are important stuff that she might need to tell family members and friends before she is gone. Please give her the oppurtunity to finish up needed things . There may even be things she needs to get straight with God. Please tell her..........

If the two of you have always had an honest and open relationship than I would carefully choose the right words and tell her. If your relationship has been strained and still needs healing I would let a medical professional discuss it with her.

Robert H
There are a number of reasons that your mother may have a shortened survival. If the doctors have determined that the cancer has spread to multiple organs (lung, liver, brain...) then that is definitely associated with shorter survival. If her overall physical health is poor, with poor nutrition and lack of appetite, then that can accelerate the process, of course.

I personally am very upfront with all of my patients and tell them what the "average" survival is for their particular condition. If there are other adverse factors present, then I am honest about informing them that this may result in a shortened survival.

In the US, our doctrine is to let patients have all of the necessary information possible so as to lead to their making a more informed choice regarding pursuing treatment (chemotherapy, radiation therapy, or surgery) or not (hospice).

Sorry to hear about your mother...

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