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Health Forum    Other - Diseases
Health Discussion Forum

 I'm afraid I may be really sick.?
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when it's obvious that this is a world wide problem with no visable end in sight?
Additional Details
To those on here who are giving answers along the lines of "cos it's ...


 Why doesn't drinking water stop my dehydration?
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...


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StarJ
Experiencing a relative dying for the first time?
A few minutes ago, i got told that my grandad who is in hospital recovering from lung cancer, has been taken off all medications, and now their giving him morphine to make him comfortable... so that his body will shut down and eventually he will die.
My mum is very upset, and so is my aunties and uncle's... I've comforted her and said i'll be there for her, although i love my grandad very much... I was never really that close, i would see him from time to time, but anyway... I do feel very hurt and upset, but i just feel so lost.. I've never experienced a relative die, never been to a funeral... I just feel basically very numb.

Is there any advice you could give?
Tell me about your situations?
Or anything to try and help my mother at this sad time.



I appreciate all the comments and thank you in advance.
Additional Details
I just want to thank everyone for your kind comments, i cryed reading all of them... but atleast its all out of my system, thanks again for your support, i couldn't choose a best answer, because all of you were great, so i choose the person with the most thumbs up as i thought that was the fairest way. Thank you.
                      








Charlie D
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My hamster died once.

it was sad.


William, It Was Really Nothing
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My advice would be to take note of how you feel. Unfortunately, this won't be the last time you suffer from a loss in the family. Everybody goes through it, and everybody mourns then eventually moves on. With death comes a lot of personal growth. You help learn about how much your family means to you, and what is important in life. It's sad that this realization only occurs during hard times like this, but that's the way it works.

My advice for you would be to learn a little bit about your grand dad. Ask your parents and relatives if they have any stories about him from when they were younger. Maybe even ask your relatives questions about their own lives. Because unfortunately the next time somebody passes, he or she may be a lot closer to you than your grand dad was.


«sаŋđεεק»
Rating
See your local doctor today for advice on getting help! There's no need to be afraid!


garryb
your grandad will be in no pain, everyone will be sad but things do get better in time,,you will all have your memories and you only have to close your eyes to see him again,his face will be imprinted into your memory,nobody likes these things but sadly they happen to us all, i myself have lost 2 nephews,uncles,dad,grandad,grandma, and some of these were in a 3 month period,it was hard but things slowly get better.......remember the memories are always with you.
take care


Wise_Dude
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There is nothing u can do...its god will ...and some day we all are gonna die....life goes on...take care of ur family and dont let them feel alone....be always there...
am sorry about ur loss...


christina c
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it's very difficult to have someone that you love die. i have lost both of my parents and all of my siblings. (out of 6 of us i am the only one still alive). i have lost all of my grandparents. but of course i am 53 years old. it is expected that by this age i should be losing people i love. the best that you can do for your mother is to just be there for her. people like your mom if you ask what can you do to help will not know how to answer that question. so if you see something that needs to be done just do it without asking or waiting to be asked. make sure that she eats her meals. just keep things simple if possible. make sure that she gets her rest. at the funeral stay beside her and help steady her through the funeral ceremony and keep lots of kleenex on hand. just let her feel your support like a warm blanket around her but give her room to breath don't smother her just anticipate her needs as best as possible. and for yourself. you need time to greive too. so don't forget to take care of yourself. especially the day of the funeral.


jaya
I am sorry to hear about your grandad. The way people feel and deal with grief differs. Some people feel intense feelings of pain during or soon after the experience; for others the feelings take longer to surface. There is no right or wrong way.

An essential first step is to give yourself permission to grieve. It also helps if others recognise that recovery will take time.
If you have experienced a traumatic time, you will suffer for a while. But it is possible to recover, build coping skills, and bring enjoyment back to your life.

Stay with your mum and comfort her. I lost my dad 10 years ago, and the pain is still there whenever i think of him. But having my own family comforts me if i am sad and it does helps a lot. Be strong.


P-Pepa92
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Well I have to say... Just remain very calm, because you don't want to get completely sad and depressed. I experienced a relative die for the first time recently also. But my experience was uncalled for and unexpected. My 22 year old first cousin was fighting in iraq in the Marines, and then it just happened. And here's what I want you to do not only to uplift your mood, but also everyone else's. The day that happened, I went and told my mom... "mom, he is in a great place now (meaning heaven), what more could he of done? He fought for his country and dignity, all just for us."
What I want you to tell your mom is... I want you to try to point out all the great your grandad has done for you and your family, and how he is leaving the family with a sense of accomplishment.
By the way... at a funeral, don't be scared to cry. You will feel so relieved after crying a lot.

I really hope I helped. And I am really sorry for this loss of a family member, and may God Bless him.


lilmissdisorganised
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I was in the same situation 2 years ago. My nan passed away, and she was the first person I had ever lost, 14 days after her death, I gave birth to my daughter, and then 11 days after that my dad suddenly died of a heart attack. I was so numb that i pushed both deaths to the back of my mind, especially as i had a new baby to cope with. I went to both funerals, but I occupied my mind with other things throughout the service as i wasn't ready to face the reality. Even now, it hasn't really hit me. It only seems like 5 minutes ago that I spoke to them both.

I don't really feel that there is any advice I can give you because everybody deals with loss differently and I dont feel that i have actually dealt with it properly myself yet. Just be there for your relatives and be prepared for a long period of adjustment while everybody learns to cope.


Chris: An Atheist With A Plan!
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I know what its like, my Grandpa was in the Hospital and I went through the same thing you are going through now. Trying to comfort my Dad and hold the family together. Sadly death is a part of life, everyone must die eventually. Nothing I will say can make your loss less hurt full. But I really wish my best you and your family, it may take a very long time but eventually you will get over this.


franjipani78
Hi There
Any news of a dying relative is a nightmare for anyone and everyone takes it differently.
Your everyone's pillar of strength. Make sure you take time out for yourself.
I would recommend you speak to your local GP or councilor for advise on how to cope with your relatives and how to offer them advise as well. I think you are feeling lost because you just don't know how to deal with this situation and the fact that everyone is using your shoulder to cry on. Everybody deals with grief grief differently, so what works for you may not work for the others and vise verse.
With Sympathy to your Family.


shortdaylongnight
Rating
You could do something really nice for your Mom. It will help you too by getting your mind off things and I am sure she will be touched by what you do. Maybe you could make her dinner or offer to help her with something around the house. Hang in there. Your Grandfather is going to a better place. Take Care.


Mark H
i'm sorry


kristiekayc
Im really sorry to hear that!! Everything gets better with time.


Alyson <3
This is a really tough time for you and your family, my condolences for your lost.

I lost a close friend when I was in 6th grade and I've lost a few relatives and it never gets easier. You're probably going to have a rollercoaster of emotions that you're going to be feeling, ranging from sad, to angry, to depressed, to not caring anymore.

The best thing that you can do for your mother is to keep things moving. Do chores around the house, cook dinner if you need to, and try to keep things normal but let your mom have her space.

All the feelings that you have been experiencing will come out at the funeral. Don't be afraid to cry, people will understand.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.


jfdiskazx
Rating
hello!
i know how you feel..
my grandma died about a month ago.. she was the first person i lost that i actually cared about. i cant tell you how much i cried, and how long it took me to understand the unfortunate reality that i would never see her again. plus, i never got to say goodbye.
i got over it by thinking about all the amazing times i had with her..
i didn't think about her when she was sick, i thought about the times when she was smiling and laughing even when times were tough. i knew that she had lived for 95 years and some DAMN good ones and that. she died the day before her birthday... the doctors said she kept saying " I'm going home for my birthday" ... i understand now that of course I'm going to miss her, but she is happier now. she doesn't have to suffer anymore. i know she is watching over me writing this knowing that i will always love her, while i know she will always love me dead or alive.
I'm sorry about your loss, dear.
xxx
just remember, everything is gonna work out in the end! =DDx


soccer basketball edward
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im sorry -[[[[


skyblu
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when my grandad died i felt hurt, lost and numb. I was very close to him. And the helplessness and emptiness of it all is a horrible sensation. Also, it reminds you terribly of your own mortality.

The best you can do yourself is let your emotions flow. If you want to cry or if you feel numb or whatever you feel- Live thru it. If you dont feel that bad, dont feel guilty. Its your way of dealing with it.

As for your mum. Be strong for her. Understand that sometimes she will want you around. Other times she might not. And she might be quite moody for a while.

I personally tried to keep as busy as possible to keep my mind full and saw a bereavement counsellor as well. This helped me through a lot. There will be times when you think your over it- and then something triggers a memory- and your back to square one. But cliche as it is, it does get better in time.


Bren
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it is a horrible experience particularly with something as cruel as cancer. my first experience was my dad dying he was suffering for 6 wks. the only healer is time, it will get better but never goes away. this is what is happening to patrick swayze at the moment as well, hes stopped all treatment and is on morphine. a funeral is sad but think of it as showing respect for yr grandad and giving him a good send off. he wouldnt want u to be upset so try to remember the good times u had with him. best wishes


cook63
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You just think the way he would think, if he would be willing to let you all finish with his pain and suffering or would he rather be suffering uselessly. Be strong!!


Bfd S
I watched my dad go through the exact same thing two years ago. He was 52.

Funny thing was; he was dying of lung cancer and had never in his life even held a cigarette (or equivalent)

Death is part of life, and it hurts very very much, even if you are not close to that person. It makes us aware of our own mortality, that freaks alot of people out.

Forgive me for saying this, but it is better to experience death for the first time with someone you know, but are not terribly close to...it will prepare you for when (yes, not if, but when) you experience it again.

I know you feel lost...that's because there really is nothing you can do. If you are spiritual, pray for his soul and that when he passes it will be quick and easy.

Whether you are spiritual or not; be there with and for him; you are still his grand-daughter, even if you are not close. Even if death bothers you, try to think of what you'd want if it were you lying in that bed.

If you spend time with him now, you will have no regrets when he is gone. I stayed by my dad every day. He knew that even though at points we had been at odds, that I loved him and would do anything to make his passing more comfortable.

With lung cancer it could take days, hours or weeks...even months! So be prepared.
Also be there for your family; you will not regret it; they will be there for you too!


xrayca68
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I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. Try to be as helpful to your mother as possible. I don't know how old you are...but maybe if know how to cook, do basic chores like laundry or run some errands so your mother doesn't have to worry about it. I think you just being there next to your mom for company and comfort is the most helpful thing of all. But after your Grandfather passes your mom is going to need help with the everyday stuff.


xoxoLyndsay
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I'm so sorry!!
keep comforting family!
good luck and I have been through MANY funerals!!!
email me for more!!!


the fryster
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Hmm.

I lost my mum when I was 8.

Its a funny feeling. Almost like, your trapped? Losing somebody you love is never easy.

For a while health feels like pain. But. In time things get easier. Don't be afraid to cry.

Theres always a light at the end of the tunnel. I promise.

You'll always have him. In your heart. He'd want you to be laughing and smiling. And remembering the good times.

Im sure he's incredibly proud of you.

Keep your chin up.

It gets easier =]

Promise


Jake V
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trust me, they are definetly in a better place than here. both my grandparents died. i did not know them too well because they lived down in florida and we only saw them once a year. it was very sad. but just knowing the hell my grandmother went through relieves me that shes not going through that anymore. i think about them two every day. godbless them, and also your grandad.


Melissa B
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My daughter was stillborn in May 2007. It tore my whole world apart. Just let your mother know that you are there for her and remind her to just take it one day at a time. She will always be upset, but as each day passes, the hurt will be less. Funerals are just a way for you to say goodbye for someone you love. Losing a parent and a child are very different situations, but the hurt is still the same. It will be a little hard for your mother to function normally, so help around the house,etc whatever way you can.


Hugh G
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My dad died many years ago. I said to my cousin at the funeral that it was the worst thing that had EVER happened to me and that there could NEVER be anythig worse.
Some years later, we both attended a funeral. I had to admit to her that I was wrong.

It was my wife's funeral.

There is no advice. We all have to deal with it.

Sorry


yelol
Rating
i recently went through a few deaths last year, one expected one tragic. Best thing i can tell you is just to talk about it with family and hold strong. Its a natural part of life.

everyone copes differently, best thing to do is tell your mom you are there for her if she needs to talk.

the raw intensity will fade with time.


Teresa K
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It's good to remember that it may be your granddad, but it's your mum's daddy. So her grief is going to be exponentially worse than yours and that's OK. You're doing the right thing by just being there for her. It is a sad thing to watch someone you love die. Just take comfort in the fact that he doesn't have to keep suffering and his time in this life has passed. Talk about whatever your family believes about the afterlife and most of all concentrate on all the good things and memories. The hardest part is the waiting. Once he's passed, everyone will mourn and remember.

You have my sympathies, I hope he goes peacefully.


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