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 what do people with cancer do to pass the time while they are having chemotherapy?
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 What does cancer mean to you..... in one word?
What does cancer mean to you....... in one word?...


 My Mom has primary liver cancer, probably inoperable, any advice?

Additional Details
Thanks to everyone for their advice and kindness....


 what causes cancer? does eating meat?
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Smokers pay extra taxes to fund any extra treatment they might require on the NHS.
Surely vegetarians should be treated in the same manner?...


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all the time, sleep enough, enough vitamins.....i always have indegestion,....could this be cancer??...if yes what kind would cause indegestion?
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ISN'T THIS A PLACE...


 why do cigarette smokers always look for excuses for why they can't quit?
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yes i'm on ...


 Does school cause death?
I think yes, because school causes stress, stress causes cancer, and cancer is the most killing disease out there. it also causes suicide and drug problems to young kids. did i prove my point?...


 when i say the word cancer.......?
how does it make you feel inside
T...


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recently, vaccines for cervical cancer have been introduced in my school. Is it really as safe as they say? Can you get side effects?...


 why is so many people getting cancer?
almost everyone i know who as died lately as died of cancer why is so many people getting this awfull thing and dont say with smoking as i now loads who never smoked died with ...



poppy99
My dad has cancer and im really struggling to cope, can anyone offer help?
im just hoping somone can offer me a bit of help (someone who have gone threw the same thing) this is the first time ive spoke about it or asked for help. im 31 years old and just had my first baby who is 8 weeks old. My dad (who i have always been very close to , were like 2 peas in a pod) got diagnosed with kidney cancer 3 years ago. since then he has battled on and almost acted like nothing was happening. it pred to his lungs and lymph nodes in his neck and he was put on a trial course of Sutent a year ago which didnt work. they took him off a few months back and said theres not alot else they can do. last week he lost the use of his arm and speach has gone funny. They think its either spread to his brain or it was a stroke.
Now the problem is the way i am reacting to it. ive shut it out for so long and now im acting extremely angry and out of control, im panicking and wanting to drink somtimes. ive calmed down now but i have my baby and boyfriend to think of and im scared im gonna lose it again. i feel i need somthing to calm me down but am worried about explaining this to a doctor. can anyone advise me on how to explain this to a doc and hopefully get something to calm me for when it gets worse? thankyou x
Additional Details
im not going to choose a best answer from this as all of your answers are helping me already. Thankyou so much. and one interesting comment was: ' you have to accept that your dad is not going to recover from this.'
In a strange way that helps. although i know hes not, a small part of me is saying he will and that is almost like living in hope, which unfortunetly is no good as hes very ill. So yes i have to start realising this and face upto it. my dad has shielded me from it all by pretending he's fine, which makes me so proud of him as a father.
Thankyou all for ur support. its helping! x
                      








Gordon C
My wife went thro breast cancer treatment last year and I got a lot of support from Maggies Centre - UK only. Most oncology centres will put you in touch with their specially trained councillors who will be able to offer you help at this difficult time. Good luck.


Anyone Know?
Wow, what a sad situation. I whish I had some good ideas for you, but alas, all I can say, is good luck.


timesup
Rating
if you is 31 you old enough to be a adult. important to keep clear head. easier said than done but if you stay away from drink you will be able to look after your child and do what you can for your dad.
i no what its like to see parant suffer. it is hert breaking and i feel for you.
look for the solution inside your self. try face up to what is frieghtening you the most here. talk about it if you can. if not, then ask dr for help - but whatever dr give you only will turn off your feelings temporary. i think its important to feel happy and sad - to laugh sometimes, to cry sometimes. its these feelings that make us grow and apprciate life.


rapid
Go to a counselor. You don't need any guide to go and see him/her, just explain like what you did here on yahoo. If you do it on yahoo why not there?

best of luck


SALEENA
I think you need to explain to the doctor that you need some support maybe someone to be there while you take some time out to chill.not much else i can say except im sorry to hear about your situation and hope you find the answer you need.


Peter T
Rating
I wish i could help but you are now facing up to the inevitable. your dad has obviously faced this trauma in a very brave way indeed and has had the strength to shield you from his pain.Utilise your anger by channeling it into something positive because if you dont it will only become a drain on you. Whatever you do, dont seek solace in drink! It can be a short term crutch bit you dont need me to tell you what damage it will do to relationships.Speak to yor GP about your struggle to cope and dont forget that having a baby 8 weeks ago you would probably feel like this anyway! Talk things over with your boyfriend even if it just helps HIM to understand. If you all pull together you will be a credit to your father and that is a huge tribute to a man.look back on all your times together and realise that the love you have for each other is all that matters really. You will find strength and courage in yourself that your father has in abundance and pass that to your own baby. Good luck.


kicker
You are not alone, i went through the same emotions when my father died of cancer of the liver 15 years ago. He was diagnosed with diverticulosis and 6 weeks later he died. After the post-mortem they found out he had severe liver cancer , the sad thing about all this is that he didnt drink or smoke , and was an able fit and strong man. He was 62 when he died , and my father , myself, and my brother were inseperable . It was such a shock and the grief will never leave me... After he died , i went through the emotions of being alone and vunerable and very angry (even though i was still surrounded by family and friends, i couldnt help feeling alone) .I felt like being a small boy and i truly sobbed my heart out and i had a broken heart for 2-3 years. The only way i could cope was to re-live all the things that my father would of wanted me to do in my life, so i picked myself up and dusted myself off, as it were, and decided to live the rest of my life with absolute pride and love for my father, so as to not let him have died in vain. I couldnt talk to anyone else about the way i truly felt for the fear of everyone else thinking that i was either mad or just a depressive, i was not any of those as i had happiness and a sane sense of life-force within my own spirit. Every time i had done something either good or bad , i just remembered my father smiling at me and him saying to me that was a good move or a poor one, even though he was not not here to actually do that. I wanted to turn to drink or do something that would bring me out of the reality, but all in all i had to face up to it , i had to be strong and i had to just learn to live with it, so i didnt become down and miserable and sorry , i became mega-determined and forcefully strong , because i know in my heart of hearts , thats how my father would of wanted me to become. My heart reaches out to you, my angst is with you , but im afraid i cannot give you the words or inspiration as you have to go through the grieving yourself and you have to support your baby and let your fathers spirit shine through you. I wish you all the very best and if any of the sentences i have written here make any sense to you , then i truly hope you will use courage strength and love to continue ... take really good care of yourself and your baby......


laplandfan
My heart goes out to you.
I think you should see your doctor and ask to be referred for some counselling to help you ome to terms with your Fathers terminal cancer. Also as another post has advised you could contact some cancer support groups and they may be able to offer you lots of support.
Dont turn to alcohol as you will become dependant on it and will not help your situation.

You sound like a wonderful daughter too and I am sure your dad is so proud of you too.
treasure the time you have left with your dad and let him know how much you love him.
Also seek comfort from family and friends at thsi hard time.
I am thinking of you


fairy_claire1981
Rating
hiya, am so sorry to hear about your Dad.
Its not an easy thing to deal with at all. My auntie passed away in 2005, and her son was 11. He'd dealt with her suffering since he was old enough to understand. First she had breast cancer and went through all the chemo, and the medication, and it was a relief as it became benign, and she was on recovery.

Then in 2002 she was diagnosed again, as it had come back.

this time, it spread to her lungs liver and brain in time. She battled and fought it with all her might. It wasn't until the middle of 2005 when she became really ill, but the medication helped her get through the days.
Her son and husband, i guess in a way, had been grieving since it came back...
Though it was very hard for them. My cousin was 11 at the time, so when we saw him we treated him like a child, as he's had to do a lot of growing up, and never got the chance to be a child.. as it was careful of your mums cancer.. kinda thing, don't make ur mum ill...
so he was never treated as a child.

But anyway, my auntie was a star... she smiled and laughed and wasa happy person, but we let her break down and cry when she wanted to and we were there to support her through it all.
It was a really sad time.

You don't have to face up to it, you deal with it in your own way, i never liked to think that my auntie was going to die.
My best friend had prem twins at 24wks gestation, and i spent alot of time with them, talking to them through the incubator holes and telling them all about life and how i'd look after them, and about my auntie, as even in her time of pain and suffering, she used to pass on messages saying she'd prayed to the angels about them.. so i used to tell the babies.
So...
on the 19th december 2005, she passed away. that morning, i'd gone to see the babies, and was really upset, i sat there holding one of the babies, and talking to her about my auntie, and i swear she knew i was upset, as she looked up at me and smiled.

My auntie prayed for them, and they're little miracles to everyone around them.
My cousin has met the babies, and he was taken away with them as they're so amazing! and i think he remembered his mum talking about them.

I think you just have to look sometimes at what you have too, to help you through times like this, as they're the hardest.
I lost my grandma suddenly, and felt like i never got a chance to say i love you. With an illness like cancer, as horrid and evil as it is, you get the chance to spend the best time and tell the person how much you care, and be there for them, though its hard to go through it, and watch them suffer as they do, you have to see that deep down they need you and will always remember what you've done for them.

I think i've totally gone off the point but am just giving an experience of something similar that i've been through.

I can't think what it would be like to lose a parent, your dad is older and you have had i hope the best years with him and have had great times. My cousin had 11 years of being with his mum, i know its quality not quantity, but i think when he's older he'll wish he'd had more time with her. if that makes sense?

Your dad losing his speech and loss of limb, does sound more like a stroke, but if the cancer is on his brain, it could have affected the nerves and synapses that control speech and movement. But as its one side, it does sound more like stroke.

Think what you have with you, a beautiful baby, and a boyfriend that loves you and will be there for you.
Don't feel scared about explaining to your doc..thats what they're there for...
maybe he can give you tablets that will reduce your anxiety..

if u need to chat i think my email for yahoo or im thing is here somewhere!!

All you need to tell the doc...is pretty much what you've said here hun.
Good luck and take care.

Have time for you and your baby too, and your bf.. as you need to keep that with them.. and you need your time. Your dad knows that you're there, but i think he'd also appreciate that you need time with your family too. You need time so your not worn out, as in all honesty, you can't help when you're shattered and tired, as thats when accidents can happen too.

look after yourself
take care
sorry again about your dad. xxx


cheryl s
Rating
Well, I sympathize with you. I just recently (February) lost my father to lung cancer. They tried all the conventional treatments but it only got worse. The best thing for you to do now is to spend as much time with him as you can (and include the baby). Also, by all means talk with your doctor about your own symptoms. You are under alot of stress right now and they will understand and offer some help so you can enjoy the time you do have left with your father. Best of luck and God bless.

P.S. The slurred speech and neurological symptoms may get worse and cause him to say or do things he really doesn't mean. Try not to take it to heart because he won't realize he's doing it.


Joshua S
Rating
I can't see how that helps, my father is dying because of prostrat and collonrectal cancer. How is something supposed to take that pain away. I know he won't recover, I've been told but I can not accept that at all.. Something is taking my best freind away.


і ♥ нім
this is almost a mirror situation to mine.
except my father passed away a week ago, he was unable to fight anymore.

my father pretended he was fine. i called him every day to ask if he was feeling okay. he always told me he was fine. the sunday before he passed away is when i realized how bad it was when he told me he was dying.

you have no choice but to be proud of someone who is going through a battle for their life. please believe me when i tell you that you're not alone. you have so many people on your side with this. when my father was in the hospital during his last few days. the nurse came in to get his vitals & he introduced me, he said `hey..this is my daughter` i had never ever been more proud to stand up and say `yes, i am this great man`s daughter`

i'm probably more helping myself with this answer then i am you, but please know, i've been there. i know how you're feeling. and it hurts bad. it hurts to know that he's suffering. and it hurts to NOT know also.

but just keep your head up. make every single minute count. take as much time as you need to tell your dad how much you love him.


El Cid
If you are in the UK, contact the Macmillan cancer support

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/


Kaz
Rating
I am sorry to hear about your dad, I lost my dad to cancer and it throws up all sorts of emotions sometimes from one minute to the next.

If you really feel you cannot cope, go and see your doctor and just explain exactly how you feel, you will not be the first person he has seen in your situation, you may just feel better by talking to someone about it and he may be able to help there and then or he may be able to refer you to someone else.

Try though and give your dad as much support as he can, you don't mention your mum, do I take it she is not around. Maybe you have some good friends you can talk to. Try not to let it weigh you down.

Good Luck


felicityB
Rating
I went through the same experience with my own Dad when I was 36. I had three young children at the time. Looking back, I felt just like you do and I feel for you.
Have you any other support? You sound as if you definitely need someone to talk to. Often, your GP can be very helpful in this sort of situation. Just tell him exactly how you are feeling.
Try and be kind to yourself too, as you are dealing with a very stressful situation.
My thoughts are with you.


norton g
Poppy- It is most important that you accept that your father will not recover from his cancer. You must try to remain in control of yourself and also do what is best for your father, your baby, and yourself. Try to visit and seek guidance from either your father's doctor or your physician. You do have the ability to explain your feelings and your needs to the doctors who have many other patients and families with similar situations. That is what doctors do - try to help people in need. The doctor may be able to put you in contact with support groups or prescribe medicine to reduce your worries. If you can, contact your local cancer society or ask your doctor to put you in touch with a local support group. Do not try to do everything by yourself - it would be too much to ask for. Get help to be a good mother and daughter who also takes care of herself.


sanna
Rating
Hi

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I was in a similar situation, my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was pregnant at the age of 19. She was taken to hospital when my son was just 3 weeks old to get her breast removed. I really struggled at first and would go in moods with my partner and just wanted to cry constantly. My mum never complained and like your dad just battled on. Luckily for us now 2 years on she is in remission. If your dad is anything like my mum then just the presence of your baby alone will do a little to help. Let your dad see the baby as much as possible as this will help him battle on. I know it's hard because you probably don't want your dad to realise how upset you are and you are trying to keep it together for him. If you find it difficult to talk to your boyfriend about your feelings then definetely talk to your doctor. Just tell him your feeling down and stressed and worried you will act out. Doctors have lots of experience in these things and will be able to talk to you and maybe prescribe you something. Just try not to get too down and enjoy having your baby while she / he is still small. xxx


keys780
Rating
You poor, poor thing. What a lot to have to deal with all at once. My father is in a similar situation (kidney cancer spreading, Sutent stopped) and I don't have a small baby to cope with as well. No wonder you are feeling angry - you are intensely stressed and frightened about the future. When my father was first diagnosed I became very aggressive while pretending none of it was happening.

I don't know if something from the doctor will help really - in this sort of high-stress situation, they'll only delay the inevitable anger, panic and fear until you stop taking them - or are you planning to be on Valium forever? Ditto drinking - it's probably a good time to stay away from the bottle as you won't necessarily have the willpower to stop once you start. What has helped me so far is talking it through, over and over again - crying is a great release. Although very hard to deal with, it is completely natural for a child to lose their parents and something that nearly all of us have to go through. Talk to other people who have lost their fathers, talk to your father, talk to his doctors. Find out what is worrying your father about dying (my father is worried about how my mother will cope alone, and scared of uncontrolled pain). Find out what his doctors or Macmillan nurse think you can do to help him.

You can't change this situation - only how you respond to it. Show your father what a great job he's done raising you. Tell him you love him, you'll miss him terribly and remember him for ever when you tell your baby stories about its grandfather. Help him not be afraid and you may be able to manage your own fear more easily.


"isitme"
Rating
Contact the hospital he's being treated at and ask to speak to the McMillan nurse, they're there for relatives as well as patients they will lend a very sympathetic ear, and do a super job.


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