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Health Forum    Cancer
Health Discussion Forum

 Found out some bad news that im still dealing with...?
I have been recently diagnosed with cervical cancer, i am only 25 and im still in shock... I am being treated but im feeling very alone right now, my family is interstate and i dont want to worry ...


 Why do we have to have a WHOLE month for breast cancer awareness?
I mean, i think we're fully aware of what it is by now. Don't get me wrong though, it's good that people make it an important issue as many are affected by it, but what about cancers ...


 i smoke 5 packs of cigarettes a day will i get cancer?
...


 what cancers can Alcohol cause?
...


 how does a doc tell you that you have cancer?
Ok besides saying "your biopsy shows cancer" what are a docs mannerisms typically like just before they give you that dreaded news and how do they usually approach it(as in tell you)? I ...


 What do you think causes Cancer?
Over Eating
Little sleep
Poisoning our bodies with medication
over working
over sun exposure
smoking
drugs
alcohol
Stress
Over exercising
<--------...


 If U lost Ur hair for medical reasons would U shave Ur head, wear a scarf or wear a wig? (Females Only)?
...


 Would you take chemotherapy to try to keep cancer from returning?
If all the cancer was removed but the doctor said your chances of it returning at some point were 40% or higher, and all the treatments were experimental, would you take chemo, knowing it would ...


 my g-pa died of lung cancer, will i?
i know this is wierd but my grandfather died at 57 b/c of cigarettes, he had lung cancer, and i smoke just like he did, does that mean i will die?...


 DO I HAVE ANEMIA OR LEUKEMIA?
I REALLY CANT SEE A DOCTOR BECAUSE MY PARENTS DONT BELIEVE IN DOCTORS OR MEDICINE, BUT IDO
IDK IM TIRED ALL THE TIME, WITH PALE SKIN, SHORTNESS OF BREATH, AND VERY TIRED, I ALSO LOOSE CONCENTRAT...


 Pregnant and just diagnosed with cancer?
I am currently 7 months pregnant and just recently ws diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. I begin the staging process this Friday but they can only do an MRI since thats safest for the baby. If i am ...


 What do I do now?
Hi my name is Maria. My Uncle that just turned 30 on the third of this month passed away at 5 a.m. this morning. He had Hodgkin's Lymphoma and Multiple Myeloma. Could someone just tell me what ...


 When do you think my grampa will die..?
My grampa is 77 and hes a chain smoker..and he has lukemia how long do you think he has til it gets really bad that he has to be in a hospital or until he dies..?? please tell me even if its ...


 i have cancer and don't know who to leave my millions of dollars with?
my family uses me for money and i don't want to donate it because the people they give it to just sit on there butt and don't try to work. its not hard.. i did it and I invested in the ...


 Should I smoke ONE cigarette?
I'm fourteen-years-old and I'm really curious to find out what it's like to smoke, but just ONE time. However, I'm afraid of getting addicted. What should I do?
Additional D...


 My dad has cancer and im really struggling to cope, can anyone offer help?
im just hoping somone can offer me a bit of help (someone who have gone threw the same thing) this is the first time ive spoke about it or asked for help. im 31 years old and just had my first ...


 Where physically on my body does gallbladder pain occur?
...


 shortest time known of someone getting cancer from smokeless tobacco?
I am just wondering what is the shortest time known of when someone first started using smokeless tobacco and they then got cancer from it. I used it for 7 months and i know its not a long time ( ...


 I smoke 60 cigs a day will i be ok?
I started when i was 13 getting people to buy them for me smoking 5 a day gradually i have increased to 50-60 a day i smoke one every like 10 mins and wear patches at night so i can sleep so i can ...


 i laugh at lung cancer, i smoked now fer the past 6 years, nothing happened yet, im not going to get?
lung cancer, and by the way im 19...



Skyler
I left my husband when he was diagnosed with cancer.Now he's ok and I want him back.Part 2?
Part 1
http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApEgJPYSXWqWH.Dyh5QmgNDh5gt.?qid=20070324201705AA62Uio
Part 2
Would people please stop telling me what an awful person I am? I hate myself enough as it is. I’m neither selfish nor a bad person and if you knew me you’d realize that. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone. I didn’t come here to be judged, I came here for objective advice. I made a mistake, a huge one I know that and I would give anything to change what I did. I didn’t leave him with nothing. I made sure he received the best medical care possible and even though he’s a very wealthy man I left without a cent because I didn’t want his money. It really couldn’t have been all that bad if he survived on his own; at least I hope it wasn’t. He’s young (31) and fit. We’re still married and I hope to God he doesn’t choose to throw away 7 years of marriage because of one mistake.
Additional Details
I know from a friend that he hasn’t been with anyone since me because we’re still legally married and that he’s asked about me and know he still wears his wedding ring as do I. It wasn’t an easy decision to leave but I had finally managed to get everything I ever wanted in life and finding out about the cancer was a devastating blow. My life was pure hell before I met him at 22 and I just couldn’t take any more. If any of you even had the slightest idea of what I’ve been through before he came into my life you would take back most of the names you chose to call me. We had the world at our feet and then everything changed. I want to make this right. I want things to go back to the way they were because no one has ever been there for me, understood and treated me the way he has. I would gladly give my life for this man without a second though so doesn’t tell me I don’t love him. The first time we’ve spoken in 2 years was 2 weeks ago and he didn’t seem angry or bitter.
                      








Tempest
Rating
No one should bad mouth you unless they have walked a mile in your shoes, which they haven't! If you want him back then be the same girl he fell in love with in the beginning. Dealing with a spouse w/ cancer is very difficult but especially so at your age. Explain your fears and doubts to your husband. It may be difficult for him at first but he will understand. I wish y'all a very happy life together! Good Luck Girl!


melodysong
Rating
Ever one makes mistakes, even ones that they may regret the rest of there lives. I see you mention the word GOD alot. Have you tried talking to him??? Maybe you just need a little pray and guidance time. Best Wishes;)


Kay L
He deserves much better than you. I do not feel sorry for you at all. Your vows are for better or worse in sickness and in health. You broke your vows. Your horrible for leaving the person you love when they need you the most. No matter what you say or try and make yourself believe you were being selfish. He deserves someone who will be there and love him no matter what, even when he is sick. What are you going to do if his cancer comes back? Heaven forbid it does but really will you kick him when he is down again? I can't believe the line you wrote "It really couldn't have been all that bad if he survived on his own" what a horrible person you are. Oh and you already threw away 7 years of marriage, its not his fault. Its yours. You are the *** in the relationship not him. I hope he turns his back on you and finds himself a wonderful woman that will love him for him no matter what. Karma will come bite you in the *** just wait.


Trasheep
Rating
I don't want to judge you as everyone is their own worst critic. If it's sympathy/empathy you're looking for, this probably isn't the best place. You may want to speak to your local pastor instead. Kharma can be a pain.


Donna L
Rating
Part 3... You lose, you had your chance.


<3 ily
You know what? My Mother had cancer and all she wanted was her husband, my dad. Yes, she wanted me too. Your husband must have wanted you. I feel bad for your husband because why would you leave him? Cancer isn't contagious unless it runs in your family! Wow girlfriend....bad idea OK, i want tell you your awful, but i will tell you that your husband probably was in need for you...


angryflower
Hello, I had been following both of your questions with interest, the first time i read your initial question, i have to say that I laughed.. I was by my husband and I even told him: "listen to this... the nerve of this lady!!, what is she expecting him to do??!!", of course he agreed, but after my initial reaction I kept thinking about you and the way you must have felt for taking the desition of leaving your husband... see I am a mother of a kid who was diagnosed with a childhood cancer, and I know how difficult it is to struggle with the psicological burden that is having your loved one sick with cancer, in a way.. I kind of understand you.. not entirely, but kind of... When my son was diagnosed, of course, I stayed by his side (he was only 3 years old at that time) but there were people who drifted away from us, I never understood why, just friends and family that after knowing we were dealing with that, they just stopped speaking to us. Now my son is all better and I can look at our future with hope again, but deep in my heart, I feel .. not angry... but... dissapointed of all these people that I thought would be by our side and left. Some of them want to get closer to us again, but the truth is that it will never be the same for either one of us (especially for me because I was the one who realized the way they changed). I imagine that something like this is happening in your husband's heart, he may not be angry, he could even possibly still have feelings for you, but he must be feeling very very dissapointed on you. You say that you love him, but when you got married you promised to be there in sickness and in health and it looks now like you only want to be with him in the good times and you dont want to have anything to do with the hard times. I am really not judging you right now, like I did when I first read you, I am just trying to explain how does it feel from a different perspective, and what I think he must be feeling towards you. What I would do if I were you and with the experience I have now is just go talk to him and open your heart, he might still love you; tell him how you feel, tell him all this that you are saying to us now and ask him for another chance. There is something that might help you and you probably dont even know it....most of the people who have faced cancer become better persons after dealing with it. I am sure he is a better man now than he was before, he might understand you and he might find a place in his heart to forgive you. Take your chances if he means that much to you, with all humility go to him, explain your reasons, explain that now you realize how wrong you were, tell him that you still love him and ask for his forgiveness; I believe you still have a chance. If he is a man of God, he will know that God would want him to forgive you, the way he forgave all of us a long time ago... And, my friend, if after doing this he doesn't want to give you a chance, i hope that you can understand too that he might be very ver hurt and maybe it is for the best to leave him alone so his heart can heal too. Whatever it happens, I wish you luck and I wish you understand the lesson that came out of this painful experience for you and for him.

(I do believe you still have a chance.. but shhhh!!!)


Max
Rating
Show your husband a copy of what you have written here, and tell him you really mean it. If God forgives humans, than humans should be able to forgive each other. Good luck.


Pommac
I didn't leave my wife after 29 years of marriage when she told me she had Diabetes. Been married almost 37 years now.


starrwoode
none of that is going to make us like you a bit better, you did him wrong and you dont deserve him.


Winnipeg76
Well if the cancer rotted his brain then maybe he'll take you back.
You took a vow for better or worse.
when the worse came, you left. What happens when his cancer comes back. If he's smart he'll change his will and divorce you. Maybe he can find a woman who's in it for the long haul.


Wally
Rating
Didn't you say something in your wedding vows like "in sickness and in health, till death do us part"? I wouldn't do anything, because chances are he won't want you back. Stop thinking about yourself for once.

This is probably not the best place to ask this question, as you're likely to receive similar responces to the ones on the australian Y.A.

I feel bad for you, but not that bad. You did this to yourself, now figure out what you want to do. If you want to be with him again, go for it.


Mel
Rating
It's a sad, cruel fact to learn that we desperately need the one thing we've lost. I'm not sure how I could trust you again, if I were in his place, honestly speaking. Marriage is through sickness and health, and you've violated that part of your marriage.

I cannot answer for him, but if you truly do love him, then I have some advice. Ask to meet him. Kneel down to him and ask for his forgiveness for your past mistakes. Let him know that you're agonizing over it, and you realized that without him in your life, the world is a nightmare. Ask to earn his trust back, but don't expect it. Ask to earn his love back, and tell him that you want to prove your love for him, every moment of every day, forever.

He has two choices, he can accept you back, or he won't, but you won't know until you ask. Be sure it's what you want, though.


nakshitra
Rating
if he uses internet start sending greeting cards to him,that u love him and express that u r missing him very much

and

start calling him as often as u can, u are his wife so u know what are his interests so buy some gifts,

take the whole thing as a new one, ask him for a date u take the intiative

past is past stop thinking about it,

Hurry up before anyone takes u r place, life is to enjoy stop regretting and take steps to strengthen u r relationship

i wish u good luck


J W
Rating
The best thing you can do is print this page out and mail it to him... he will understand exactly what you are thinking. The ball will then be in his court... he can choose to reconcile with you, or he can choose to continue with his life the way it is now.
Let it be his choice... That will be a more classy thing than putting pressure on him.
If he chooses not to let you back in, move on with your life and wish him well.
Hope this helps.


pepper
I think it's very sad. I think it's sad that when he needed you most, you weren't there. You were the one that made the choice, not him.

If I were your husband, I wouldn't want you back - I don't know you, you may be a truly wonderful person that made a terrible error in judgment - we all make them, not the end of the world and blah blah ... but... I'd think you threw the baby out with this one.

Sometimes we do things and have to pay the price.

My father had breast cancer. Scared him to death, he lived through it - had a mastectomy. Lived 25 years after his diagnosis.

I am sorry for your situation - for the loss of what seems to have been a really good thing, but there's a reason they say "We never know what we have until it's gone", and I'd say this is a prime example.


Guitarist
Seriously what did you expect. Just based on this sentence you wrote: "If any of you even had the slightest idea of what I’ve been through" it seems that you are overly concerned about yourself. YOU, YOU, YOU!

What ever happened to "in sickness and in health"? The first sign of difficulty ahead and you bolt and leave the guy alone and to make matters worse you leave the state! Forget the run away bride you are the run away wife.

How dare you imply that his the cancer was not that bad! That is an insult to each and every person that has had cancer. What you did was not a mistake you left him at death's door. Yes that makes you a very selfish person.

What do you expect that if you ask the question enough times that someone will feel sorry for you? I don't mean to speak for the world at large but the only sorry you are going to hear about this is that people are sorry for his having married such a selfish and immature person.


Some Guy
Why are you looking for approval from people on here? The only person whose opinion matters is your husband's. You're going to have to talk to him about this. If he chooses to have nothing more to do with you then that's the consequence of your mistake and you'll have to live with it. He would have to have a HUGE heart in order to forgive you for that and he might not be able to. You might have to give him a lot of time and he may never be able to do it. How does he know that you won't leave him if it comes back? You say that, but you also took wedding vows and then left him when he got it. Trust takes a long time to build the first time...if it's violated it may never be able to be restored.


gardigarden
Well, it sounds like you have answered your own question, shutting out the answers of others. If you are looking foe someone to aggree that you did the right or honorable thing thing, then look in the mirrow.My question is what happens when the cancer reappears, or God forbid he should have a stroke or some other long term illness or confinement. I think you need to quit looking for acceptance here and get down on your knees an be thankful that he is willing to accept your actions and maintain a relationship, much less a marriage with you. Whether the cancer was terminal or that Bad or not, you chose to leave him when,more than likely he needed you more than he ever had. You are right in that the people here do not know your history, and my bible teaches me not to judge others as we none are perfect, however, if he left you because you were diagnosed with cancer or other awfull disease, I wonder if youwould welcome him back into your world as if nothing had happened. I personally could not trust my mate if he left me at my most vulnerable time. It is a matter of trust and faith in your partner. Once that is lost or changed, it has to be built back brick by brick. If I were he, I would not allow you to come back home. You are right in that we all make mistakes but there are consequences for every action.


Parrot Eyes
Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone has done things they wish they could take back -- everyone has a worst thing they ever did, including me, so this is not a judgment but just a point of view.

It's sad but true that we make our worst mistakes and learn our hardest lessons when we hurt the people closest to us. You made a grave mistake -- hopefully you are learning something from that experience.

You are fooling yourself, if no one else, if you think his cancer treatment couldn't have been that bad. One, you'll never really know because you weren't there and Two, anyone who has gone through cancer treatment can tell you it is seven kinds of hell and the only thing that makes it bearable is the caring of others. And it changes you drastically as a person. There is simply no going back to "the way it used to be." Too much has happened.

He may forgive you but still not take you back, preferring to move on and start a new life. You may just have to accept that sometimes you cross a line that you can't ever cross back. You may simply have to accept the consequences of your behavior and move on as well. I don't think it's realistic to expect that you can make this right with him.

Perhaps the next time you fall in love you will value that person a great deal more after realizing what it is worth to have that gift. But all this anguish isn't worth anything unless you don't repeat this mistake with someone else. The reason "sickness and health, richer or poorer, better or worse" are in the vows is because allthough we might for some time in our lives be young and healthy and whole and affluent, we never have a guarantee of that as a lifelong or even a long-term state. At some point, most people do get sick or feeble or disabled or injured or they lose all they have, and we continue loving them for the people they are, their hearts and minds and not their flawed bodies. Remember one day you may be very sick or too old to take care of yourself and will need to depend on the steadfast love of someone else to help you through it -- it happens to all of us, though we aren't allowed to decide how or when that happens.


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